These are my INFP thoughts




Someone asked me on Twitter how I became so knowledgeable about INFPs. The question makes me a little uncomfortable because it infers that I have some expertise with INFPs. I don’t. I’m just very knowledgeable about me as an INFP.

I read Type Talk and Please Understand Me when I was 20 and fell in love with personality psychology. I read Myers and Briggs’ Gifts Differing. I read Please Understand Me 2. That’s the extent of my formal knowledge of the MBTI, and on top of that I disagree with the books.

I’ve always disliked the various descriptions for INFP. Some of it was true some of the time. Other parts didn’t apply at all. One sentence described me incredibly accurately and the next would be way off base. I quickly decided that the MBTI types were really MBTI stereotypes. I don’t mind stereotypes. Stereotypes are generalizations and generalizations can be useful, but they have no nuances. They don’t take explain the gradations and the exceptions. The INFPs throughout my life are all very different even though we share certain common behaviors.

That’s got me to thinking over the last 20 years of why INFPs are so different. Why are some Christians and others are Wiccans? Why are some more successful in their careers than others? I wrote this blog to share those thoughts about INFPs.

I think way too much. I think about myself way too much. I think about my behaviors in relation to how it can be explained in terms of INFP so much I’m surprised I’m not catatonic and drooling. This behavior has been constant in life and it’s not healthy. So around 20, I started reading Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy and others. My thoughts as I went through their programs was, “Man this would be so much easier if I was a ESTJ.”

However, like all INFPs, I picked and chose the parts that I liked and filed the rest away for later use. I’m 40 this year and being an INFP at 40 is very different than being an INFP at 20. I’ve been many INFPs in those years between.

I’ve been the Hopeless Romantic INFP who stole a Columbia St. street sign, gift-wrapped it and left it anonymously for a girl I had an unrequited crush on who was leaving for Columbia University. I’ve been the Starving Artist INFP who wanted to be writer without realizing that any novel not in the top 15 of the bestsellers list makes around $20K for 2 years worth of writing and revising. I’ve been the Reject The Norm INFP hanging out with all the other anti-establishment folk so I could feel special and different without realizing that I was just being lazy because rejecting something is so much easier than standing up for something.

At this time in my life:

  1. I’ve been happily married for 13 years and counting. That’s been an incredible challenge because some INFP behaviors are not conducive to healthy relationships.
  2. I work full time as a web developer for a multi-million dollar company which lets me live comfortably and travel and even though I don’t dislike my job, it’s doesn’t make me ecstatic to get up in the morning. However, no job ever has and I think it’s an INFP thing.
  3. I have 2 daughters, 7 years old (INFP) and 3 years old (??TJ), both of whom I love dearly but as an INFP I’m struggling with balancing time for myself which I need as an INFP and spending quality time with them.
  4. I see myself as an entrepreneur so we own real estate. However, I just lost a bunch of money selling one of our condos because I made the classic INFP mistake of being too emotionally attached to an investment and held it too long.
  5. I’m happy with the life I’ve created, but at the same time I’m antsy and unsatisfied. The reason for that is that I haven’t worked towards growing into my Ideal Self for quite awhile. I’ve gotten comfortable and that’s a dangerous place to be for an INFP.

If you’ve read my last post, this is my current system. Everything I write about being an INFP is colored by that system and the Rewards I’m seeking inside that system. I take what I know about my specific INFP behaviors in certain situations and then extrapolate general behaviors that could explain the behaviors of INFPs I know.

I think that INFPs that relate to what I write are in similar systems. They’re INFPs that are happy with the lives they’ve built because they’ve worked hard to do so, but at the same time, they’re antsy and they don’t know why.

At first and this is so typically INFP, I wanted this blog for all INFPs. That was just very idealistic of me. In writing, writers develop a relationship with their readers. I see all things in terms of relationships that get created and dissolved. I also believe a major key to any lasting relationship is timing. It’s two people in the same place and time in their life’s journey deciding to go in the same direction for awhile.

This blog won’t make sense to many INFPs because the timing isn’t right. I don’t think INFPs under 28 will get it. That’s okay. The ones you don’t relate now might relate later. Have a bad break up with someone you thought was your one true love. Work for a few years at your dream job and realize that it was more fulfilling as a hobby. Spend a few years getting rejection letters from literary magazines and then get published and realize no one cares except your loved ones. Meet the people that you once belittled as sheep for keeping with the norm and realize that they’re doing the best they can just like the rest of us.

It’s those INFPs who are at the time in their lives where they’re looking for a practical and working balance between their Ideals and their current Circumstances who will relate to my thoughts because that where I am.

Go to Comment Form

Thank you for commenting

30 Responses to “These are my INFP thoughts”

  1. bunkywu

    Feb 5, 2010

    8:02 am

    wow — this particular post was like hearing my own thoughts and experiences played back to me. uncanny. thanks for always giving me perspective. nice to know we’re not alone out there.


  2. J

    Feb 5, 2010

    10:49 am

    Ok, this is gonna be a long one….

    -Read Type Talk and loved it too….I am a total INFP, but at the same time I don’t want to limit myself and put myself in a box…although I can relate to most INFP behavior, I feel that I’ve “honed” all my “inferior” parts (ESTJ) parts in the last few years…which helps me feel more well-rounded.

    -I too, have been wondering lately, why are some INFP’s more “successful” at what they do than other INFP’s who are still floundering.

    -I struggle w/ getting out of my head and thinking way too much as well. Been trying to put my S into action more b/c that’s what gets me results, obviously…

    -I also, have come to the point in my life, where I’d rather have a “stable full time day job” to live “comfortably” financially (b/c I get stressed out otherwise) and to keep my passions on the side (photography for the most part, b/c making it a full time career would just suck the enjoyment out of it for me…it would feel like another chore…and I’ve already been published, etc)

    -I am happily married as well, but yes, marriage is definitely a challenge b/c of the points you mentioned….but also being married to someone who is not an INFP has helped me grow in other areas I couldn’t imagine growing in, if I was w/ my own “type”…

    -I was hoping you’d touch on the topic of “parenthood” as an INFP b/c I could foresee in my own life that happening..”struggling with balancing time for myself which I need as an INFP and spending quality time with them”

    -I don’t think the “antsy & unsatisfied” thing will ever go away…I’ve just had to learn to not tie it to anything or become overwhelmed by it, thinking something is wrong….I just need to accept it as part of me and figure out what I need to do to quench that..whether it’s planning a getaway, going on a spontaneous drive, picking up a new project/hobby….re-evaluating where I/we’re at on the “journey” and where we want to go/be…and figuring out what we need to do to get there….or just doing something random if I feel like I’m in “routine mode”

    -does routine = “comfortable” for you?

    -I agree w/ the under 28’s maybe not “getting it”…I turn 30 this year and just the last two years have been really eye-opening for me….late bloomer maybe, but also of course life experience plays a huge part….I’ll probably look back when I’m 40 and think the same thing…


    ockhamdesign Reply:

    Routine makes me very comfortable. It’s the new that breaks me out of routine. If I do new things and meet new people, it challenges my perception of what I knew to be true. For example, writing a blog.

    Have you been trying new things to challenge your old beliefs?


    John Reply:

    I too have been in a realtionship with someone of a very different type. It’s challenging, especially for her, and me, but I have to admit that I have learned things and been given the push that I needed, at many times.

    I’m 48 now and I feel like just getting a job that won’t psychologically wreck me or be creatively demanding, because I reached burn-out, and had my confidence crushed. I hope that i’ll feel happier, and have the energy for non-profit creative side projects of my own.

    However: Could it be that i’m actually just ‘giving up’, that i should be trying to find a creatively fulfilling job, and getting back to challenging myself? Perhaps doing an undemanding job will feel like a waste of my life. And that I’ll look back and wish that i hadn’t taken the easy way out?

    It’s a tricky one. I mean, the non-profit creative side projects could actually, unexpectedly become a very fulfilling means of making a living!


  3. Jerry

    Feb 5, 2010

    1:58 pm

    First of all just want to say great post! Even though I don’t think I’m in the same system as you, I still relate to a lot of what you write.

    After taking one of those online tests, I spent a lot of time (which for me is an hour or two) reading up on it. Your blog is unique in that it is one of the only places (that I found) where you can find insight on being an INFP that was written by an INFP. I think that is a big reason why your blog is so great to us INFPs.

    Even though I saw that you mentioned your “expertise” on the subject in your tagline, I still figured I’d shoot you that tweet. I just assumed that maybe you had read some books or minored in Psych (guess I could have just asked what books you read to avoid the uncomfortable-ness that resulted from it), so I’m glad you wrote this particular post. Going to add the books that you mentioned to my “Books to Read One Day” list.

    Anyway, I have a couple of questions (and hopefully you’re in an answering mood!):

    1.) Do you think, hypothetically speaking, that if certain factors allowed you to, that you would have still pursued a career as a writer?

    Just curious because after going through the motions for what seemed like an eternity, I just started the semi-serious writing “phase” of my life. I really enjoy writing and have been thinking about maybe trying to make a career out of it. Luckily (I tell myself), I’m single with no kids and still in my 20’s so I’m in a little different situation in that I can afford to be a struggling artist for the time being.

    2.) There have been instances where I spent almost as much time going over and editing my blog posts to make sure they’re “acceptable” than I did doing the actual writing. I know you’re not a shrink, but in your opinion, do I have some sort OCD problem or is it just INFP perfectionism rearing its ugly head?



    ockhamdesign Reply:

    Read Type Talk. Please Understand Me is too touchy-feely for me. Gifts Differing is if you want to know numbers, lots and lots of numbers. I would highly recommend reading The New Personality Self-Portrait. I love, love, love that book. It’s not an MBTI book, but I find it compliments the MBTI. Over the last 20 years, I’ve had 60 or so people I know take it so I could correlate their score with their MBTI type. It’s pretty awesome.

    To answer your questions:

    1.) Do you think, hypothetically speaking, that if certain factors allowed you to, that you would have still pursued a career as a writer?

    I love writing. I still define myself as a writer not as a web developer. It’s pretty easy for me to separate who I am from what I do for money, even if I spend 10 hours a day doing it. I decided that the Reward I wanted wasn’t being published. The Reward I really wanted was to be published, famous and make a lot of money. Then I found out all the Rules for that Reward. The Rules are onerous.

    I decided an easier Reward was to make enough money to travel and never have to worry about paying my mortgage. I still want the Reward of being published, just published in print by a known press. I’m just starting to get back to pursuing that Reward.

    However, you absolutely, without a single doubt in my mind, should take shot at writing as a career. You will regret it later if you don’t. For an INFP, I think it’s healthier to fail miserably than to regret. Also, if you learn the Rules before you start, it improves your odds of not failing.

    2.) There have been instances where I spent almost as much time going over and editing my blog posts to make sure they’re “acceptable” than I did doing the actual writing. I know you’re not a shrink, but in your opinion, do I have some sort OCD problem or is it just INFP perfectionism rearing its ugly head?

    I think it’s INFPs not wanting to let go of something great because then it’s done.

    You want to know a secret. Sometimes, I revise my blog after I post it. As long as I don’t change any major points, I’m fine with it. People treat blogs like print. It’s not. Blogs post are organic and should be allowed to continue growing.


  4. Jeanine

    Feb 6, 2010

    12:02 am

    “I think it’s INFPs not wanting to let go of something great because then it’s done.”

    I did that with a short story (fan fiction) for months! All I had to do was edit and post the epilogue and I waited months to do it. So glad to read that it’s an INFP thing.

    With articles and blog posts I don’t have as big a problem with that, but fiction. Oy!


    John Reply:

    Yes, one of my problems when focussing on making the present piece of creative work as brilliant as it can be, is that the decisions i make will be permanently cast in stone in the finished piece, and i worry that later i’ll wish i’d made different choices and it could have been better.
    I should be able to say to myself, “it’s OK, I can make this creative choice in THIS design, and the other options can be saved for some other design that i work on in the future.
    Creative work feels like such a big committment every time, and i feel ‘exposed’ by it.


  5. Monique S.

    Feb 6, 2010

    5:55 pm

    “Have a bad break up with someone you thought was your one true love. Work for a few years at your dream job and realize that it was more fulfilling as a hobby. Spend a few years getting rejection letters from literary magazines and then get published and realize no one cares except your loved ones. Meet the people that you once belittled as sheep for keeping with the norm and realize that they’re doing the best they can just like the rest of us.”

    The only one of these I haven’t experienced is the “spend a few years getting rejections from literary magazines” bit. Only in the past two years I really discovered that last one (I call it my new found appreciation for the mainstream) and I’ve never seen the concept written down before or spoken as though understood. I certainly appreciate your blogging…thanks.

    Here’s my question (separate from the above comment):
    Firstly, do you have that feeling inside of wanting to share your talents and passions with as many as are willing; knowing that you would be contributing to the community you appreciate shares so much with you. Only to realise that actually doing it is frustrating, because
    a) the activity was so enjoyable because it was rejuvenating alone time, and
    b) most if not all of my activities need to be rejuvenating otherwise I just don’t want to do it.

    Do you or have you ever feel or felt this way. If so what do you do or have you done to reconcile these two needs?


    ockhamdesign Reply:

    I find that wanting to share my talents with people is usually about wanting to feel special and getting recognition as much as it is about adding benefit to someone’s life. The problem with that is it’s 2nd party dependent which is outside your control. I think that’s a major cause of unhappiness for INFPs.

    My rejuvenating activities, I keep to myself. For example, I go dancing every week. Since I go to the same places, at any given time, I know about 20 or so people when I go. I say hi and catch up briefly but I’m there to dance, not socialize. I have other activities where I socialize but my weekly dance night is not one of them.


    John Reply:

    I too am definitely more inclined to sympathise with the poor struggling ‘sheep’ nowadays.

    I’ve even started to think that all those ‘suits’ — even the very annoying ones — are doing us a favour by doing those jobs that we’d hate to do, and would be useless at, so we don’t have to.


  6. Sue London

    Feb 11, 2010

    12:26 pm

    “The Reward I really wanted was to be published, famous and make a lot of money. Then I found out all the Rules for that Reward. The Rules are onerous.”


    And that appreciation of the mainstream thing? Yeah, spent years and years learning that one.

    Any other INFPs have a problem that I do? If I judge something then it guarantees that I will have to experience it myself. I write it off to “God’s sense of humor.” A good example was saying “Why do people drive so far for a job?” when I was in my teens and my co-workers at the mall would come in from the surrounding counties. Within a decade of THAT nasty comment my commute to DC was clocking in at 2 1/2 hours one way on a good day. (Yes, I had my reasons.) There are many, many more examples from my life and I’ve learned to accept others (easy enough because we INFPs are all into that) on a whole different level, not just their selves (who they are) but their actions (what they do).


  7. Mike

    Jul 14, 2010

    7:53 am

    I had to smile at: “That’s got me to thinking over the last 20 years of why INFPs are so different…”. Which other types would spend 20 years thinking about themselves?;)

    I too spent 10 years searching for the meaning of life in general and my life in particular. Failing to discover that one single, essential, timeless and universal truth, I decided to switch my energies to the real world instead (though I still have all the books!). It was a good move at the time. I selectively integrated some of the “received wisdom” in my life and moved on.

    In my search for a new job, I decided to invest the last couple of days clarifying my own work preferences and the personal profile that I want to present to potential employers. I was surprised to discover how much I enjoyed diving deeply (10 years later) into the subject of “personality” again and how energized and motivated I feel by what I’ve found.

    It’s something I’m going to keep up!



    Corin Reply:

    The question of why INFPs are so different is still at the forefront of all those thoughts swirling in my head. Most recently, one of my INFP friends spiraled into a terrible depression. It’s been about 6 months now and I’m just waiting it out. I’ve been in downswings throughout my life, but I’ve never experienced major depression and I know many INFPs who’ve never developed deep depression. On the other hand, I know several on medication right now. So why some INFPs and not others?

    The only working theory I have is that the ones who’ve suffer depression are the ones that have had zero interest in their personality psychology. They’ve always just went with it, chalking it up to the I’m-too-unique-to-quantify mentality. If an INFP has problems that they build their identity from, i.e. my problems are unique therefore I am unique, then we’ll never consider going outside of our own head for answers. We just end up suffering alone inside our head.

    I think the ones who’ve found the balance between their upswings and downswings are the ones who’ve looked into what makes themselves tick.

    If you find any new answers 10 years later, let me know. Start a blog. I’ll read it and add it to the other INFP blogs I read.


    Mike Reply:

    Hi Corin,

    My experience is that people (not only INFP’s) are different – period. I’m still on a steep MBTI/INFP learning curve but I’m not yet convinced that INFP’s really are “so different” as they feel themselves to be. I suspect that the specific dynamics (preferences/attitudes) of the INFP type result in the introverted feeling of “being different”. But I haven’t worked this through yet.

    I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s depression. I sincerely hope that he/she – with good support – finds a way through it. I’ve experienced periods of depression too, though – thankfully – not for many years.

    To a large extent, I go along with your working theory. I think Jung considered depression to be a organic response that forced someone to stop, reflect and change things in their life that weren’t healthy or fulfilling.

    But there are factors that determine the risks and effects of depression other than personality. For example: specific life events, the supporting network of family and friends.



    John Reply:

    I agree, different INFPs will be in different situations and environments or with different people–so they’ll feel differently.

  8. Lucy

    Nov 5, 2010

    7:47 am

    “Spend a few years getting rejection letters from literary magazines and then get published and realize no one cares except your loved ones. Meet the people that you once belittled as sheep for keeping with the norm and realize that they’re doing the best they can just like the rest of us.”

    Wow – you too? This is amazing. It describes the worst things I’ve done – and in another way, the best.

    Unfortunately, I’m your age and haven’t found what to do. How did you get to your current spot?


  9. Jason Kim

    Dec 7, 2010

    3:38 am

    Wow, I discovered your blog today, and I’m amazed at how similar our thoughts seem to be. I’m 17 years old, and I’m in my senior year of high school. Life has been extremely busy the past few years. I’ve kind of been bred in an environment where everything is about getting good grades and getting into a top college and whatnot. And I got sucked into the craze. It’s 2:34 AM, and I’m finishing up an assignment for my AP Government class (okay, technically I’m typing this–but I’m allowed to take a quick break). And I’ve felt really bothered for a long time. I wasn’t sure what it was for a long time. But I realized it was a combination of things. And a lot of these things were mentioned in your blog, like the incongruency of one’s actions and beliefs. I mean, I stay up until 3 all the time, working my ass off for my academics, and I’m not even sure it’s what I want. Honestly, I love playing the guitar, I love writing, I love art…etc… but I can’t just give up on my school work. And I’ve worked so hard to get good grades and stuff, it would feel like such a waste if I just dropped it all now. So I guess what’s bothering me is just this jarring difference between what I’m doing and what I want to be doing and what I believe. Iunno, it’s early in the morning, and I’m rambling. But the bottomline is, thanks for this blog. It’s really nice to see that someone else has walked the road I’m on right now and has some advice to give.


  10. Mike

    Jul 21, 2011

    4:26 pm

    I absolutely relate to this. At 44, I just figured out that I am an INFP. Not happy about it. I don’t want to be. I’ve fought against it since I was 20, not knowing that I was an INFP. I just couldn’t figure out why nothing was working for me and always feeling like a failure. Any type of “money” job was excruciating. Sales, Management, etc. All were just painful as heck. I wish I knew then what I know now. My life may have been very different.

    I haven’t come to grips with it. Don’t know if I ever will. I don’t know how to go about the “therapy” and acceptance of its reality. The more I dwell on it the more depressed and depressing I become. I seriously put a drain on my marriage, although I have a wonderful and accepting wife. She obviously becomes a casualty.

    How do you bounce back from this and get on with life? What are the take-a-ways? Positives that are true building blocks to accepting and working on making my life better? I really need to move on or this is gonna get ugly.

    There are many things in this post that I relate to on a huge level. Too many to list, but they ring all kinds of bells. Now I know why the last 20 years have been the way they are. I can stop trying to be someone I’m not. But now what?


    Corin Reply:

    I’ve just gone through what you’re going through which is why I haven’t written in 6 months. I decided my job wasn’t for me anymore, but I couldn’t just up and quit with kids and bills. My wife and I weren’t really growing in our relationship after being married for so long and both of us weren’t that happy anymore even though our marriage was okay. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t terrific like we dreamed about when we first got married.

    So you basically, we had to start over…together. We joke that we’re mid-lifing and we are. But I think what we’re both going through is pretty typical of many. My wife and I are writing a blog together. We should have our first post up next week where we talk about what it means to start over with all jobs, kids, responsibilities and history that you can’t just dump and run off to Bali. It can be done. We’re doing it now and it’s hard and slow going but we’re both learning to have fun again. And if we can do it, anyone can.


  11. Derick Wade Grover

    Mar 4, 2013

    12:38 pm

    Another great post. I’m 42 and it really resonated. I just discovered this site thru a link someone was kind enough to post in an INFP group on Facebook. I’ve always bemoaned the fact that most sites out there that focus on INFP’s are little more than regurgitated facts from other generic sites that basically just copy the Myer’s B. description of INFP traits, weaknesses etc. What a wonderful surprise to find a site that is so informed, perceptive, and original. Thanks for sharing your talent and insight.


  12. Lana

    Jul 17, 2013

    11:12 pm

    I’m 23 and I get your blog completely :p But then, I have also read a lot by many personal development speakers and writers – probably too many lol.

    Ever read Steve Pavlina’s blog?

    Thank you for writing and relating all of these things to INFP dilemmas. I’ve read quite a few of your posts – nearly all of them 🙂 And also a lot by you on personality cafe. But I’m just gathering more information rather than actually acting out on the things that I need to do! But then, like you say, the idealized version of what we want will never be as perfect as we imagined so.. It is a challenge, hehe. I’m finding that I don’t want to be in relationships anymore, because as soon as I want somebody in my life, I project onto them.. and then I go crazy when they don’t meet up to those ideals, because it feels like them not being who I want them to be is taking me away from who I am.. But then I feel bad for placing expectations on them and not letting them be who they are. So, I’ve decided to be single for a long while now. But, my decisions can change depending on new information coming in (i.e. meeting someone who is “PERFECT” lol)

    I am so grateful to know that others understand the struggle that has been my INFP life :p


    Corin Reply:

    I’ve been reading Steve Pavlina regularly for many years. I love his take on things especially his recent article on goal setting based on archetypes. However, since he’s an INTJ, I feel that some of the methodologies he recommends don’t quite fit so I tweak.

    I find that you have to be future-biased in order to have expectations. We are future-biased on some things and present-biased on others. I tend to be future-biased on finances so I save and invest and I don’t spend all my money on things that will make me happy just in the present. However with relationships, I try very hard to be present-biased and not future-biased. So my decisions on relationships are based on right now and not on tomorrow.

    So I just had a really deep conversation with a friend I’ve known for 6 years. So in the midst of the conversation, I don’t think about the next conversation and how to use the current one to build to the next one. Yes, intellectually I know I’ll see her again, but I let go of the expectation that I’ll see her again because I might have been hit by a bus on the way home. When I don’t expect to see them ever again, it changes what I focus on. I focus on how to make this moment enjoyable or at least interesting with whoever I’m talking to. On the plus side, if you don’t expect to see them again, you can be more open. And then the next time I see them, I do the same thing and just focus on the present moment which keeps me from projecting future ideals of friendship onto this person. Before I know it, years have past. That’s how most of my relationships have formed.

    Hopefully, you’ll find a methodology that works for you and fits your values, so you can create new relationships (friendships, acquaintances, long-term pair bond, etc.) without projecting. I think every INFP does eventually.


    Lana Reply:

    Awesome 🙂 I first came across his blog 4 years ago – have read I’d say 95% of his posts. I love him dearly, like a friend! 😛 Ooh yes, I loved the most recent article. It’s been one of the best ones he’s done for a while I’d say. I definitely got a Steve Pavlina type feel to your page 🙂

    Yes that makes sense. I think I remember reading that you haven’t always been that way though – in regards to relationships? Which gives me hope if so! I think I am future-biased in regards to mostly everything at the moment. I need to get back into the present – which is where our intuition is most effective anyway! I find that by focusing on the future – that gets us into our Te, but if we’ve had recent negative experiences, or an accumulation throughout a lifetime, then our Si regurgitates that and then our Te over-analyzes which just keeps us more stuck. Fi-Si loop, I believe. And here I am still over-analyzing! My apologies 😛

    Awww, that’s a really wonderful way to be. That is my ideal – completely – in regards to relationships. Gah. I just realized. Through all this information-gathering that I have been doing over the years, I have made solid ideals of so many things.. but personified very few. The only thing I’ve been able to be consistent in – actions wise – is being vegan (nearly 7 years).

    That’s all very inspiring to me – thank you for your kind reply and insights 🙂 And yes, I’m sure I will too! First though – 6 months of single-dom, so I can fully cement all of my lifechanges without the influence of another person (I’m a type 9 enneagram) 🙂


  13. Cindy

    Aug 11, 2013

    10:15 pm

    Hi Corin!

    I just wanted to say that I am enjoying your blog. I am an over 40 INFP, too, and can relate to much of what you have written. BTW, I go back and edit my posts, too!


  14. Regina

    Aug 28, 2014

    10:14 am

    I love this post! I’m in my early 40’s and I’m all over the place trying to find independence in my career choices. If I could just win the lottery and do what I want to do (which makes little money) I would be in heaven. In the meantime I’m trying to find that will satisfy my desire to please this INFP inside that no one understands, not even me sometimes. I can totally relate to having many interest. I’m a jack of all trades and a master at non! I’ll continue to read your blogs, they are so refreshing!


    John Reply:

    Oh my God… to win the Lottery. And to never ever HAVE to do creative work for other people again. That would be so wonderful. The ultimate dream.


  15. Michelle

    May 8, 2015

    4:07 pm

    I just had to chip in that I just turned 27, am an INFP, and I could swear you’re writing as my future self! 🙂 Although I probably wouldn’t have gotten a lot of this just a couple years ago. Your posts about why INFPs are lonely was so dead on I was reading parts of it aloud to my husband like, I totally do this! No more Us vs. Them.

    I think I’m gonna spend the next few days devouring everything on here like a zombie. I might stop to eat and sleep, we’ll see. lol


  16. Nahid

    Feb 23, 2018

    5:20 am

    Hi, I’d wanted to say thank you for this great blog. I’ve found it recently and read this blog post first. I’m INFP. I took test a few month ago on websites and to knowing INFPs make me more confident in life. But I still have a problem with my career choice and life. I’m 23 years old and living with my family. I studied Tourism bachelor. When I was 18 years old I gave all responsibilities to others to choose university and qualification for me. I can’t guilty people for their choices for me, but I even didn’t know there is a university named Tourism in my country until they applied there. That was really wrong choice that I did because I don’t like those things. Instead I like writing, to write poems, rap or stories. People around me say you have good writing skills. I also love graphic designs and web design. I like to edit photos and videos on PC. I also love psychology and digital marketing. Like to read books about that. The problem is I like many things related to art and technology and humanity science like philosophy, spiritual and metaphysical. Among those fields I lost my mind about choosing the right way. I don’t have job because I’m reluctant to apply jobs related hotel industry or travel agencies. I want to focus on one thing but I can’t. My Dad still gives me money for living a bit and that’s so miserable. I sometimes think I’ve illness maybe psychological feeling fear to working or something like that. Plus regrets of lost 5 years at university made me depressed and frustrated. I need help. Maybe you were felt like that when your 20th and have advice to tell me what can I with my life. I’m Hopeless Romantic too. I can’t think the view of business people’s perspective even though I watch them on YouTube to learn how to make money. i always feel myself as an alien in this world. And I try much more to get opinions about things I do from others, I hate my this side- low confidence. Could you please give me advice as a role model? Thank you! (sorry my English, I’m learning yet)


  17. Yulia

    Sep 19, 2019

    11:13 am

    I’ve discovered I’m an INFP just few months ago – what a relieve to finally understand that I’m not weird, it’s just how I’m wired. I’m turning 40 next year – I can’t wait. I’ve learned so much about myself by reading up on my typeg. Up to now I’ve tried to be who I’m genuinely weren’t meant to be – an outgoing extroverted entrepreneur with lots of friends. It gets tiring by age 39 you know. Discovering my INFP tribe gave me permission to be who I am. If I don’t feel like socializing – I won’t. If I don’t feel like calling a friend – I won’t (and won’t feel guilty anymore.) I am jack-of-all-trades as many INFPS are – and all my life I’ve felt bad about myself for that. I mean, look at all these people chipping away at their ONE LIFE GOAL. Discovering my type truly changed how I look at life. I’m an obsessive reader too – true INFP 🙂
    Anyways, thank you for creating this blog – this is truly a refuge INFPs .


A Note From Me

I would love to hear from you. Tell me your thoughts, if you relate or don't relate to what I wrote.

If you read the comments from other INFPs, you'll see how much we have in common. You can reply using the "[Reply]" link at the end of their comment.

Thank you for commenting

Comments are appreciated. I read every response.

Comment Notes

You can set your comment avatar photo for every blog site here.