I have a System. It works for me. It’s still an idea in progress, but for an INFP what isn’t?

I will try to explain it briefly because I see all things through this System view.

1. The System exists. It is made up of relationships between people and things and ideas.
2. The System is made up of smaller systems like government and game shows.
3. The smaller systems are made up of Games.
4. Games have Rules. You play the Games with the Rules to get the Reward (happiness, a job, physical objects, self-improvement goals, or just wanting to be left alone are all Rewards).
5. If you don’t want the Rewards, don’t play the Games. If you don’t want to play the Games, don’t whine that you’re not getting the Reward.
6. You don’t have to play by all the Rules, but you have to learn the Rules in order to break the Rules. Breaking the Rules is necessary to maintain your individualism.
7. Rewards are not specific to a particular Game. You can choose another Game to get your Reward if you don’t like the one your currently playing.
8. Not all Rewards and not all Games are available to everyone. Sorry, but life isn’t fair. Deal with it.

Have you ever notice that for INFPs, a description of soulmate is like a shopping list that takes 15 minutes to describe when they’re 20 and single, and still takes 15 minutes when they’re 40 and single?

INFPs everywhere are protesting that we aren’t that shallow. I can’t believe how many times I’ve heard that my soulmate is just someone who “gets” me.

My response is this: do you have to be physically attracted to your soulmate for them to be your soulmate?

What if he’s bald and noticeably shorter than you? What if she has bad teeth and a laugh that scares off harpies? Can they be your soulmate if they have horrendous hygiene and you find them disgusting?

I love the New Year. It’s my favorite day on the calendar. It’s the day where I can chalk up last year as a loss without guilt and try again. I love New Year’s resolutions. I like my yearly deadline and the whooshing sound it makes when it goes flying by. This year, I’m doing things a little differently for my resolutions.

1. Realize I can’t solve all my problems by myself

People make resolutions to fix problems. I want to eat healthier so that must mean my current diet is causing some type of problem or else I wouldn’t be resolving to eat more green stuff (healthy green, not moldy green).

All those problems I had a week ago. Still there. Resolutions aren’t going to magically give me the answer.

Don’t get me wrong. I love problems. It’s my way of evaluating progress. At no point in my life will all my problems go away. Progress in life is about going from one set of problems to a better set of problems.

Twenty years ago, my problems usually centered around finding a way to buy alcohol while I was too young. These days, my problems center around finding a way to retire before I’m too old. For me, that’s a better problem to have.

So about all those problems I had a week ago. They’re still there. I’d solve them if I could, but I can’t, not with what I currently know. That means I have to look outside myself for answers which INFPs are loathe to do. INFPs feel that if we think about something hard enough, something will click and we’ll come up with that amazing answer. So how’d that work for me last year?

It’s definitely time to do something new.

The Care and Feeding of INFPs, part 1

Give your INFP some alone time

INFPs need time to reset. We have this mental/emotional bookshelf where a book is an emotion or mindset. The acts of everyday living—going to work, interacting with people, striving towards goals, maintaining our lives—requires pulling a book off the bookshelf to access what we need to live in the day-to-day.

As we use those books, they pile up and as more things happen day after day, going through the piles to find the books we need takes longer and longer. Eventually, we have to take some alone time and put those books in our mental piles back onto the bookshelf. That’s what I mean by resetting.