Comments on: Let’s be friends

By: Corin

Corin — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 08:36:27 +0000

I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot lately. What I do make me who I will become. Why I do something makes me who I am. Okay, here’s the thing. Sometimes, it’s very difficult for me to figure out the real reason why I do something. A person has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason.

It’s the real reason that makes you understand who you are. And if I can’t figure out my real reasons, I can’t blame others for not understanding me.

As for happiness, I have a tons of articles on my views about happiness and INFPs.

By: Lana

Lana — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 17:46:32 +0000

just found this website. Happy about that. I read a lot of descriptions about infp’s that say that infp’s aren’t liked very well. I have found the opposite to be true and I am a strong infp. What happens is something that you mentioned. I DON’T HAVE THE ENERGY FOR ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE MY FRIEND!!!!! I have found this very distressing, but over the years I too have changed my idea’s about friends. Once I stopped trying to be “understood” and started to talk about “general things” I was happier and my friendships grew. But I am lonely a lot. Everyone needs people who do understand them…and if you don’t have people in your life like that, it’s hard. Any articles that deal with that? How can an infp make THEMSELVES happy?

By: ockhamdesign

ockhamdesign — Tue, 04 May 2010 21:10:14 +0000

To me the word “friend” seems full of obligation and expectation. When I like spending time with someone, I call them. It doesn’t matter if they call me or not because I’ll call them the next time I’m not busy. Calling a “friend” has this expectation of that person calling you back or else they’re not a good friend. I find my relationships work better when I don’t expect anything,

By: Lisa

Lisa — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:58:15 +0000

wow the part of this entry that strikes me the most is the word ‘friend’ part. i dont like the word ‘friend’ either! and i’ve never met anyone else who’s said something like that. but then again, i’ve never asked anyone if they like the word ‘friend’ or not. i guess i feel like…i dunno, ‘friend’ sounds flat and unchanging…i like the idealized qualities of what a ‘friend’ should be and i like the feeling of friendship, but i dunno. it is easier to see people as various people/relationships then to lump them all together as ‘friends’. but yes, maybe part of it is a sort of ‘gauntlet of friendship’ kind of thing…words that a thrown around a lot like ‘friend’ and ‘love’ are the hardest for me to use

By: ockhamdesign

ockhamdesign — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 21:04:51 +0000

That’s an awesome questions. Would I ever be friends with myself? Now, yes. When I was in my 20′s, that’s a definitely no. That’s the reason why it never worked out with my first love. We were too much alike.

One friend can’t be everything. We connect with people in different ways. The people that I do spur of the moment activities with don’t have the same personality traits as the people I have long late night conversations with. I have a need to connect with other people. I’ve just found it more polite to spread that neediness across many people so it isn’t a burden on a select few.

By: GunsAndRoses

GunsAndRoses — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 10:56:28 +0000

That’s interesting. What if you met a copy of yourself, do you think you’d become good friends? That’s basically what I have been looking for all this time but never found (the odds are against me).

What you describe makes more sense but is something I’ve always had trouble doing. I’ve had extremely high expectations of friends, and thus ended up lonely most of the time.

I’m now starting to realize that a more relaxed approach is a better way to go – i.e. this friend is fun to play tennis with, then we play tennis and don’t talk about how to solve the problems of the world.

Thanks for an interesting blog.

By: ockhamdesign

ockhamdesign — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 22:39:09 +0000

As I got older, I realized that no one person can provide everything you want in friendship. The deep conversation type friends usually don’t have the carefree, spontaneity that I’m looking for in my spur of the moment, let’s-hang-out friends. Also, it’s a lot of pressure for another person to be everything to you. So I’ve learned to spread out my friendships among a diverse group of people, each appealing to a different part of my personality.

By: Bindy

Bindy — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 09:56:08 +0000

I forgot to add – I’m INFP!

By: Bindy

Bindy — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 09:54:24 +0000

I spent my teen years in my ivory tower with my high ideals and freely cast judgement on everyone else who failed to see just how important and fundamental these things were (the poor unenlightened multitudes). Needless to say, at any one time I had at most 2 friends but that was fine by me because I was special (and incredibly lonely, but that was part of being special).

Anyway, roll on 20 years and I have all different kinds of friends. In fact, the other day I tried to ‘type’ them (in my head) a la MBTI and I’m pretty sure my friendship group has members in all 16 areas. Sometimes I recall the teen years and that behaviour seems strange to me now. Sure, there are some friends who I would consider closer than others, some who are the ‘good-time’ friends to share meaningless banter with and some for the deep and meaningful conversations, but all are so very important to me. Just because they are ‘good-time’ friends doesn’t mean I value them less; I appreciate them for bringing me out of my shell more and helping me grow as a person by giving me the opportunity to see how they view the world. The deep-and-meaningfuls tend to be NFs and while I treasure them, sometimes (especially with the INFx) it can be very intense. I think my closest friends are all ExFx – I like to share the feeling function and extraverts always bring out the more extraverted side of me. Anyway, I’m rambling a bit here but the main thing is how much I love having friends from all the different types. I love seeing their different perspectives. I guess I’m growing up!

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 16:39:55 +0000

“Since 65 percent of communication is non-verbal, other people pick up those unspoken expectations and it’s a lot of pressure. Who wants a friend that pressures you all the time.”

Fellow INFP here, and I have actually put distance between myself and a friend because of this. For me, friendship is exactly what you described, and I don’t have time or the drive to satisfy someone else’s high expectations. If they want to be my friend, they can hang out with me and talk to me. If not, they don’t have to. That’s literally all there is to it.