Comments on: INFPs need alone time http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/ Thoughts on the INFP Personality Type from an INFP Sat, 28 Jan 2012 04:59:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Corin http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-12085 Corin Mon, 24 Oct 2011 04:45:33 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-12085 There's a difference between couple time and alone time. All couples need couple time, time together to learn about each other, to build their relationship and just to see if you can stand being together. I don't think the amount of couple time is related to MBTI type though. There's another book called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/0802473156/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319431020&sr=8-1" rel="nofollow">The 5 Love Languages</a> that defines 5 ways that people feel loved. And the idea is that we assume incorrectly that the way we feel loved is the way we should express love. The answer is to express love in a way that the person receiving that love will understand so you have to speak their language and they have to speak yours. One of the five love languages is quality time. I've talked to various introverts from friends, family and acquaintances and I've never seen correlation between MBTI type and love language. It really has to do more with how we were raised by our parents. Quality Time is #2 for me. It's #3 for my wife who's an INTJ. Because of that, we spend almost every night talking for at least 40 minutes. We've also been married 15 years and this communication is one of the reasons why we've lasted. However, alone time is different. Alone time is time by yourself to recharge. My wife needs alone time but as an INTJ, she needs it for completely different reasons than I do. She gets her alone time when the kids are at school each day. Every few weeks, I take the kids down to my parents for the day so she can have the entire day to herself. I get my alone time from 9p-12a after the kids are put to bed. I write, clean and do personal development work. There’s a difference between couple time and alone time. All couples need couple time, time together to learn about each other, to build their relationship and just to see if you can stand being together. I don’t think the amount of couple time is related to MBTI type though. There’s another book called The 5 Love Languages that defines 5 ways that people feel loved. And the idea is that we assume incorrectly that the way we feel loved is the way we should express love. The answer is to express love in a way that the person receiving that love will understand so you have to speak their language and they have to speak yours.

One of the five love languages is quality time. I’ve talked to various introverts from friends, family and acquaintances and I’ve never seen correlation between MBTI type and love language. It really has to do more with how we were raised by our parents.

Quality Time is #2 for me. It’s #3 for my wife who’s an INTJ. Because of that, we spend almost every night talking for at least 40 minutes. We’ve also been married 15 years and this communication is one of the reasons why we’ve lasted.

However, alone time is different. Alone time is time by yourself to recharge. My wife needs alone time but as an INTJ, she needs it for completely different reasons than I do. She gets her alone time when the kids are at school each day. Every few weeks, I take the kids down to my parents for the day so she can have the entire day to herself. I get my alone time from 9p-12a after the kids are put to bed. I write, clean and do personal development work.

]]> By: Leah http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-12082 Leah Mon, 24 Oct 2011 04:24:36 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-12082 Do you think this applies to couples...i.e. INFP's and their boyfriend/girfriend/spouse needing time together to recharge and process their relationship one on one? I am dating someone right now in college and am an INFP. I find that I get completely stressed out when I want to spend time with him and he brings friends along to hang out with us. I can't talk about our relationship or anything deep at all. I kind of shut down in big groups, especially if we had something that we needed to talk about. Have you found that alone time with a spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend also important for INFP's? Do you think this applies to couples…i.e. INFP’s and their boyfriend/girfriend/spouse needing time together to recharge and process their relationship one on one? I am dating someone right now in college and am an INFP. I find that I get completely stressed out when I want to spend time with him and he brings friends along to hang out with us. I can’t talk about our relationship or anything deep at all. I kind of shut down in big groups, especially if we had something that we needed to talk about. Have you found that alone time with a spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend also important for INFP’s?

]]> By: Alexis http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-7728 Alexis Sat, 21 May 2011 04:58:57 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-7728 Awesome! Makes me feel so good I'm not alone! Awesome! Makes me feel so good I’m not alone!

]]> By: K http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-7448 K Fri, 13 May 2011 16:27:43 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-7448 Your writing is awesome. I just love your blog! Your writing is awesome. I just love your blog!

]]> By: A http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-7053 A Fri, 29 Apr 2011 14:02:06 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-7053 I just printed this out and have left it in a place where my ESFJ husband can read it, I shall also be subtly pointing it out to him in the morning. I work in a retail environment which means I'm required to interact with people all day long, as well as complete tasks to a deadline, as if that wasn't draining enough! He doesn't understand and often accuses me of not listening to him when I'm trying to have my 'alone time' I don't mean to snap at him but sometimes it's the only way I can get the point across. He thinks I don't care about his feelings or his day but that's not true! I just need time to process my own day in my own time without interruption. This is very informative, thank you! :D I just printed this out and have left it in a place where my ESFJ husband can read it, I shall also be subtly pointing it out to him in the morning.

I work in a retail environment which means I’m required to interact with people all day long, as well as complete tasks to a deadline, as if that wasn’t draining enough!

He doesn’t understand and often accuses me of not listening to him when I’m trying to have my ‘alone time’ I don’t mean to snap at him but sometimes it’s the only way I can get the point across. He thinks I don’t care about his feelings or his day but that’s not true! I just need time to process my own day in my own time without interruption.

This is very informative, thank you! :D

]]> By: Kelly http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-5212 Kelly Fri, 28 Jan 2011 20:09:45 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-5212 i totally agree. i'm a teenaged infp and there are many times when i feel the complete urge to shut down and reboot my system. i also feel that when i do this, people i'm close to can't be around me. since i'm usually never alone in the house, i jump close my eyes and take a nap. when the telephone rings waking me up, i get very very aggitated. i think i don't want those close to me around when i reset because sometimes, i bawl out crying for no exact reason. i take in emotional stress daily and i never noticed until this Monday past how important it is for me to reset. towards the ending of a class, i had a breakdown. the class was watching a movie and somethin really disturbed me. before i got to class my brain was already loaded and the room was very hot. i felt naseous and couldn't breathe so i went outside for some fresh air. when i leaned against the wall by the door, tears started coming out by themselves and i sat down and cried until class was over. whatever disturbed me in the movie must have reactivated the emotional stress i didn't have time to dump. i'm getting off topic. anyway, thank you for posting this. i'm actually reseting myself right now while i'm typing. i'm supposed to be doing homework but....i'll get to finishing it eventually. i love the blog by the way. i totally agree. i’m a teenaged infp and there are many times when i feel the complete urge to shut down and reboot my system. i also feel that when i do this, people i’m close to can’t be around me. since i’m usually never alone in the house, i jump close my eyes and take a nap. when the telephone rings waking me up, i get very very aggitated.

i think i don’t want those close to me around when i reset because sometimes, i bawl out crying for no exact reason. i take in emotional stress daily and i never noticed until this Monday past how important it is for me to reset. towards the ending of a class, i had a breakdown. the class was watching a movie and somethin really disturbed me. before i got to class my brain was already loaded and the room was very hot. i felt naseous and couldn’t breathe so i went outside for some fresh air. when i leaned against the wall by the door, tears started coming out by themselves and i sat down and cried until class was over. whatever disturbed me in the movie must have reactivated the emotional stress i didn’t have time to dump.

i’m getting off topic. anyway, thank you for posting this. i’m actually reseting myself right now while i’m typing. i’m supposed to be doing homework but….i’ll get to finishing it eventually.

i love the blog by the way.

]]> By: Jennifer M http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-3522 Jennifer M Thu, 11 Nov 2010 01:38:17 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-3522 I can definitely relate to this too - even if I get home very late and have to work the next day, I always take time to watch a tv show or read some blogs - it's just my "me" time that I need to recharge. If I go straight to bed I usually wake up cranky b/c I haven't had any time to recharge emotionally. I can definitely relate to this too – even if I get home very late and have to work the next day, I always take time to watch a tv show or read some blogs – it’s just my “me” time that I need to recharge. If I go straight to bed I usually wake up cranky b/c I haven’t had any time to recharge emotionally.

]]> By: Priya Florence Shah http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-2684 Priya Florence Shah Fri, 10 Sep 2010 21:14:33 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-2684 Wow, this is amazing. Just sent it to me ISTJ hubby. I almost burned out trying to keep up with his stuff. Wow, this is amazing. Just sent it to me ISTJ hubby. I almost burned out trying to keep up with his stuff.

]]> By: GunsAndRoses http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-2452 GunsAndRoses Mon, 16 Aug 2010 13:02:25 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-2452 I can totally relate to this. I need a lot of alone time to recharge my batteries. After having kids it's a lot more difficult to find that time. Also, when there is opportunity, like after 10 pm, I would find myself too tired or unfocused to be able to use the alone time for something productive (I'd usually end up in front of the TV). You could find some comfort in the fact that it gets better with time though. It takes a lot of energy to take care of a < 2 year old (as you know). Don't get me wrong anyone, I love to spend time with my kids. It's just that the quality is a lot better the more energy you have. I can totally relate to this. I need a lot of alone time to recharge my batteries. After having kids it’s a lot more difficult to find that time. Also, when there is opportunity, like after 10 pm, I would find myself too tired or unfocused to be able to use the alone time for something productive (I’d usually end up in front of the TV).

You could find some comfort in the fact that it gets better with time though. It takes a lot of energy to take care of a < 2 year old (as you know).

Don't get me wrong anyone, I love to spend time with my kids. It's just that the quality is a lot better the more energy you have.

]]> By: ivorynightgown http://www.infpblog.com/living-with-infps/infps-need-alone-time/comment-page-1/#comment-2437 ivorynightgown Sat, 14 Aug 2010 06:13:49 +0000 http://www.infpblog.com/?p=153#comment-2437 thats exactly what came to my mind when i was thinking of the solution today i.e reduce my sleep time, find alone time at night. But thats not easy either, handling a very active toddler during day time i need enough energy. FYI Corin,i used to work n my condition was better back then coz i manage to get my alone time at office,so i was stabil when ppl surround me at home.Now that im a housewife,there is no place i can resort to anymore,i have to face active-relationship 7am-11pm throughout the week. Oh im so sorry for letting this all out here,this is my first time opening up about this.. thats exactly what came to my mind when i was thinking of the solution today i.e reduce my sleep time, find alone time at night. But thats not easy either, handling a very active toddler during day time i need enough energy. FYI Corin,i used to work n my condition was better back then coz i manage to get my alone time at office,so i was stabil when ppl surround me at home.Now that im a housewife,there is no place i can resort to anymore,i have to face active-relationship 7am-11pm throughout the week. Oh im so sorry for letting this all out here,this is my first time opening up about this..

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