Comments on: Speaking INFP

By: dana

dana — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 21:17:00 +0000

Love your article…..so true about the way we think….how it’s all connected like a spider web. I recently experienced a very short relationship with a person that ended abrubtly because of our communication styles. The person would not give me a chance to explain where I was coming from with my feelings. I think they could possibly be an ESTJ or ENTJ. I wanted to meet and explain myself, but they would not give me a chance. This really hurt because I like to be understood and maintain harmony, if possible, with others. Oh well….

By: Dmd

Dmd — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 03:14:33 +0000

I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like it’s an insult to someone else’s intelligence to spell things out in such an average way. But, at the same time, I usually feel disappointed with people when they don’t jump straight from A to D with me, and then they get confused, and I’m left thinking in my own head again.

By: Dmd

Dmd — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 03:09:39 +0000

I’m dating an INTJ as well and know exactly what you mean! The worst is when he asks me something, I start to answer and he interrupts me, mad, because he thinks I’m not answering the question. My brain doesn’t see things as so linear and he’s trying to get better at waiting til I’m through before assuming that I’m not answering. He does similar things with stories, too, and he’ll even accuse me of not being totally honest just because I didn’t specify the whole timeline from the start or something.
Anyway, I know what you mean and would love to know how your INFP-INTJ relationship works out.
I love mine, we connect on a very deep level, but the surface level communication is where we’re really falling apart.

By: Allison

Allison — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 20:17:00 +0000

This was so totally helpful for me. And it made me laugh. Now I have a better understanding of what my husband must see from his side of the conversation. I’ll have to be a little more understanding when he acts as if my thoughts aren’t connected to each other.

By: Colleen

Colleen — Wed, 11 May 2011 22:17:52 +0000

You made me smile! My thoughts flow like water but they can be organized. My father was an engineer. My husband is a scientist. I am a teacher. I think you understand my challenge.

When speaking to another INFP, and I am, I don’t have to insert b and c. I know that you fully understand the issues without the detail.

So how did I meet the challenge, by imagining a vessel or structure for my thoughts, a check list of sorts for my linear-sequencial thinking love ones and students. Corin is correct writing helps so does reading. When we see how others structure communication for the masses, it helps to create a pattern for our own communications.

By: Corin

Corin — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 07:11:16 +0000

I think writing is one of the better ways to practice verbalizing what’s in our heads. I have a zillion thoughts in my head. Some of it is just random bits. But when I write thoughts down, especially for the purpose of communicating those thoughts to others, it forces to to be linear, to write in a way that makes sense outside my head.

Consider keeping a blog. Write for the purpose of communication, not expression. Expression is when you leave it to others to interpret. Communication is when you take the responsibility to make sure the others understand your point.

Eventually with enough practice with written communication, your verbal communication will follow suit.

By: chex

chex — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 03:48:26 +0000

When I have a conversation with someone, I find that points B and C are too obvious to speak out to someone. As if that person I’m talking to knows about B and C already so I just skip all the way to D. By doing this, I cause some confusion for others because I’m not explaining enough to them. I want to stop thinking inside my head and express what I think verbally instead of internally. Is there anyway to practice how to do this?

By: BoPeep

BoPeep — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 15:33:02 +0000

My husband is an N like me but my form of conversation drives him crazy. The best I can relate it to is if my final picture is a flock of sheep, in order to create that picture I have to herd all those escaping sheep into view, one or two at a time, positioning each one in relation to the other ones. Will you get to the point is my husband’s most frequent comment before he starts pacing! It all seems very logical to meeee .. Lol

By: Yvonne

Yvonne — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 15:47:51 +0000

Very well put! I’m dating an INTJ as well. I agree that INTJs and INFPs could be a good match but one thing I get very frustrated with is that, like you said, they always “need to make a point”. There have been many times that I have been excited to share something that I had experienced and everytime i attempted to share the story, he always said that I wasn’t sharing ALL the facts and would continually stop me throughout my sharing to ask questions. This has always bothered me because I’m just excited to share my experience. As I reexperience it while sharing, he interrupts the experience with his necessary questions that are necessary for him to ask in order to form his understanding. Slowly, my excitement fades throughout this process. I always ask him to listen and save any questions I may not have answered for the end but he’s not capable of remembering and it’s difficult for him to best process and understand that way. WHAT TO DO?

By: L.A.

L.A. — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 05:52:42 +0000

I’ve always wondered why I do that but most people I interact with don’t… Jumping around from topic to topic in conversations with others, or begining an explanation of some procedure or process or task at work by exlaining the reasons for the steps and the possible consequences of doing the thing differently that I’ll eventually get around to providing unless I forget… I’ve been told that I have a very circular way of thinking and that if I can’t think in a more linear fashion, that certain individuals will simply stop listening to me, and then realizing later, sometimes weeks later, that I never finished a particular sentence and the person I was talking to therefore probably got a very twisted — but possibly quite entertaining — picture…