When I’m not doing well in that role, I feel like I’m a failure and I was a terrible human being, thus forgetting that “Boyfriend” is not the entirety of my being.

It’s always good to have a different perspective on things.

I also find myself saying “Um, I do both” whenever I take those tests. As for adopting behaviors to garner success in a role, I find that I adopted more extroverted behavior (ISTJ here) in order to do well at my former job as a tech support person at a university. In doing so, I’ve never felt that I was “losing myself” because I knew that what I had to do during those periods of time was necessary, like what you’re saying.

I think being able to detach the self from a particular role is something more people need to learn how to do. I think of it in the sense of “I am all these things, but these are parts of me.”

Thanks for this post.

Several years ago, reading Keirsey’s “Please Understand Me II” (revised version), was a revelation. The discussions about the intrinsic motivations of differing archetypes was so helpful. The descriptions of the archetypes of various psychology theorists was fascinating. (maybe Maslow’s Heirarchy isn’t the deepest priority of, say, an ISTJ) The various psychologist’s descriptions of “mental health” were skewed by their type’s primary values and world view. Granted, Keirsey had to assign/assume their types, but I found the insights to be amazing.

A fully realized ESFP is quite different from a fully realized INTJ, etc. In another part of the book, the insights into what types might find easier or more of a challenge in compatibility with each other was very helpful.