Comments on: How you do anything is how you do everything

By: Nick

Nick — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 14:07:36 +0000

I feel some closeness in what you said. I have an example in my head that I need to figure out myself as to whether it has any resonance.
When I was younger I enjoyed maths. I was always in the top group because I had one of the highest test scores. If you saw me in class on a regular basis you would see me trying to work out how to do the math. would look at the problem, try it one way, try it the other way. I would raise my hand to the teacher and she would get me past the intermediate problem I was on. So by the end of class I would have done less questions than the entire class, but I had learned how to do the problems in their entirety. My tests scores were always high. However two years before finishing high school I changed where I sat. I went to sit with the kids who became Engineers and Underwriters. I got in the competitive mode as we would all try to finish before each other. I would do it anyway I could generally – copy answers. My test scores would plummet after that and in future years I struggled with maths.
I guess that became my life, I wanted to be with the top rather than average, to do that I fundamentally changed the way I handled things. I would love to go back to that original way of working, but its hard after 20 years of trying to be the best. Which is what most of society wants. Speed. I stopped working the way that was best for me
Can anyone relate?

By: Nick

Nick — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 13:47:31 +0000

I think us INFPs all end up adjusting to reality because it becomes ‘safe’. Its tough living for anything outside the norm. Economics and responsibilty force us to accept less. Many people make the decision and are ‘content’. I’m guessing having family makes that life more acceptable.
The director David Mamet puts it better than me. If you are an actor you have no guarantees in life, you could earn 0K a year or 300K a year. You have no stability in terms of work. So some people who can’t face that rollercoaster life of living start to work for instituitions as casting directors, producers, somewhere with more security. Teachers are to some extent the same, music teachers who sold out their music dreams, English teachers who would have been novelists. I guess life is easier when food will always be on the table.

By: Corin

Corin — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 16:25:15 +0000

The only caveat with thoroughness is I tend to make up unnecessary stuff to do when I’m on a project I really like. It’s avoiding doing the next thing that I may not like as much as what I’m currently doing.

That thoroughness on something I enjoy is journey. It’s taking time to smell the roses instead of rushing off to do the next thing. Because there will always be a next thing and a next thing after that.

By: Mark

Mark — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 01:51:16 +0000

I want to be happy with my life when it is over–but I have to start with being happy with my life when the day is over! As I approach mid-life, I too am learning that the journey is more important than the destination–but every time I start something I fall back into the pattern of making it a destination thing.

The things I have been focused on for a really long time have been the things that when I examined why I really did them it was either for some fantasy of recognition–or if that was not the prime motivator, I became dissillusioned when they did not result in recognition. However, when I do things for the pleasure of the journey, it is harder to stick with it. When I look back at previous endevours–and start new ones–I have to keep in mind the pleasure I got and gave along the way and not the inevitable, ingorious endings.

Thanks for your blog, Corin, and for the others that have commented. Its comforting to identify with snippits of myself.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 12:12:53 +0000

First of all, thank you Corin for this different take on the picture of life. After I post this reply I plan on examining what an average day and week look like for me, deciding if I like the way my life looks, and changing it accordingly if I don’t! It’s a much easier way to look at change if we think in terms of individual days rather than personality. For instance: “Today I’m going to be a nicer person” as opposed to “I’m going to be a nicer person”. Putting “today” onto an action or change makes it easier to accomplish and a less impossible goal. Very interesting, love that thought process.

Lilly said something that I think perfectly describes a specific attribute of an INFP (or me at least). “It might look like I’m not getting ahead, but I’m just being more thorough.” — typical INFP, no? Our thoroughness is often seen as inefficiency by many types (*cough*S*cough*). Even my INTJ friends who understand personality type sometimes have a hard time grasping my necessity for thoroughness over just getting something done.

I also enjoyed seeing that I’m not alone in my “journey is more important than the destination” viewpoint. I know that is also typical INFP, but it’s still nice to read it from others. My interests and hobbies change like bee flitting from flower to flower. No one can keep up, but when I’m interested in something, I AM REALLY interested in it. I read the books, I learn the language (or at least some of it), I learn the skill (I don’t master it), I read the series, I take classes (and once I’m finished, I don’t go into that career). Everyone else sees it as a waste of time, and I admit, I did too for a while…but when I look back and see what enjoyment and passion I spent on that interest, even if only for a handful of days, weeks, months, or years, that is what brings my fulfillment. Knowing I was happy in the journey.

Thanks again Corin for your insight and sharing! It really made me think

By: Lilly

Lilly — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 18:43:39 +0000

I’m speaking at the level of grasping the complex systems of a specific skill set, or way of being. Of course no one can say how exactly these things are going to play out down to the specifics of everyday existence, but they are likely to add richness to your life.

By: Corin

Corin — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 07:43:12 +0000

I’ve gave up trying to grasp the complex system of my life. It’s unpredictable where simple actions will ultimately lead. For example, when I was 21, a girl I asked out stood me up. I was waiting for her at a dance club and instead of going home, I decided to dance for the very first time. Because I decided to dance, I discovered something I liked doing. Because I liked doing it, I got good at it. Because I got good at it, a girl who would end up being my wife ended up noticing me 4 years after that girl stood me up.

I can truly say that enjoying dance lead me to becoming a computer programmer, getting married, learning about real estate and a whole slew of other behaviors that couldn’t be predicted by my behaviors that came before dancing.

By: Lilly

Lilly — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 06:20:07 +0000

This is a very systematic way of looking at the intuitive whole. I function in a similar way, and the symptom of this similar movement is for me, being slow to start (my pattern). When I am introduced to a new task or way of thinking it often takes me longer to get my grasp around it than others, as if I can’t truly understand how something works until I can see how all the parts react with, and lend meaning to the whole fluidly. But once I see this, I most often excel above others in understanding and applying my knowledge efficiently in the long run. The beauty of this is that once I have grasped a way of doing something, like for example, becoming a strong analytic thinker through consistent essay writing, I have a higher than average potential for mastery (I use mastery as loosely as the word deserves). I feel like there is an excess of ability in many infps that cannot be made sense of without the luxury of being able to step back and see this potentiality from a long range perspective. For example I search for authenticity, not with a passing glance, but with a lot of energy, and this process may seem fruitless in terms of task and routine– but in all actuality, authenticity can save you from a lot of unnecessary (and potentially life diminishing)problems in the long run. It might look like I’m not getting ahead, but I’m just being more thorough. I guess you have to be when your always asking the question “why?”. If ” complex systems arise from simple interactions” than grasping a simple action(s) more thoroughly gives way to a stronger grasp of complex systems.

By: Ann

Ann — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 18:53:57 +0000

I like the concept of “The Renaissance Soul”, Google the site and book. There can be multiple ways of feeling fulfilled, and one doesn’t need to feel pressure to find that “one thing” for life that seems to define one’s purpose.

Reading the bios of members of an excellent Klezmer band that played at an event recently, I see that they are all successful in careers other than music. Most of them will probably continue in the band after they retire from their “day” jobs.

Even that sort of lifetime commitment to a loved activity is not necessary for the type of person who wants to experience many different things. Some of us have a higher need for variety. Society calls it being a dilletante. Leonardo DaVinci, Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin are examples of those who pursued multiple interests over their lives. I hope I never quit exploring. Keirsey says a trait INFP’s share is feeling guilty for not being “authentic” enough.

Other archtypes might find the utility of their compromises to be a satisfying way to live, given the other values that are expressed by raising a family, providing a home, etc.
George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life” made lots of compromises, but had a great life, when he appreciated the glass half ful view.

By: Reem

Reem — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 22:57:19 +0000

“Does looking for fixed things to do make us more happy then actually doing those fixed things?”

hmmm… interesting point.

I guess, It’s like a catch 22. If we have nothing to do, we will waste away the time and accomplish nothing. But if we have a lot to do, it will somehow seem as though we have no time to accomplish what we we would otherwise be doing had we had the time!

Well, for me personally, responsibility changes me on so many levels. After college I took a break, during which I had a rather bohemian existence. I was jumping from one pursuit to the next. I joined a fine art class, tried kick-boxing, did 2 internships, took graphic design classes, I traveled a bit… I slept any time I want and woke up in the middle of the day. My day was not planned and so was my life. But after getting a job, I know what I will be doing from 9 to 5 everyday, I know what I’m most likely to be doing 5 years from now.

I see self-similarity in life, I also think that a person is capable of changing their day, and so changing the entire pattern of their life. And just like personality is flexible, so is a person’s daily routine, and so is a person’s general pattern. and I think what responsibility does more than taking up our time, it changes who we are and our priorities and what we choose to pursue in life, it changes our daily routine and so our pattern in life.

Was I more happy searching for a job or after finding one?

Well, In my “quest” to find a career I realized the harsh reality that nobody is willing to hire a graphic designer who has a Bachelor degree in Business Administration and no formal art education. So after a grueling reality check, I decided to apply for regular office jobs. After I got my job, and despite it being the exact opposite of what I imagined myself doing, I seem to be pretty content.

So even though I tried being a graphic designer and failed, it was fun pursing that. and even though sometimes I get tired of doing the “fixed things” my job demands. I still think it’s much better than being unemployed because it gets me out of bed early and forces me to “act” more and also makes me more focused rather than living erratically.

so I guess, personally I like the process of looking for “fixed things to do” because it leads to many new opportunities and experiences, even if I don’t always reach my desired end. and I also like having fixed things to do because I get lazy and unfocused if my day is completely empty.

but I don’t know, I’m at a point in my life where I’m yearning for stability and a sense of direction and I feel that once I achieve certain goals in my career and personal life and have certain fixed things that I do everyday, I will feel more at peace with myself and that way I can focus my energy on all that other soul-searching/artistic endeavors.

but, Is it possible with this temperament to reach self-fulfillment? What about INFPs in their 60s and older, have they got it figured out yet?