I just got back from a wealth lecture about 2 hours ago. I love going to events from this particular company because I went to their almost-free three day seminar two years ago and I thought it was amazing and life changing. And no, I’m not mentioning the name of the company because that’s not the point of this blog entry.
Anyway, a few years ago, my wife and I attended their 3-day financial seminar. Tonight’s lecture reminded me of the that seminar which sticks in my mind to this day. As an INFP, it was one of the harder things I’ve had to do.
I’m in my late 30s and I probably wouldn’t have gone in my 20s when I thought I knew everything. INFPs like to find their own way because it’s about the journey and that so opposite of what this seminar was. Seminars are about someone teaching you their particular way of doing things. I’ve always been a bit rebellious about being told how to live my life.
However in trying to find my way to certain goals, I often re-invented the wheel. That was fine in my 20s when it seemed like I had all the time in the world, but now I feel that sometimes, it is about the destination. I’d rather be financially free then just be in the process of becoming financially free.
Another issue I had with the 3-day seminar was the active audience participation which included speaker-audience response, group recitations of key points and activities which can feel pretty silly. Going to a seminar, there is a certain amount of groupthink and brainwashing that occurs. The INFP in me defines my identity by my individuality, by not being like everyone else. However, the only way to really get the most out of that seminar was to be like everyone else and to immerse myself into someone else’s way of thinking.
Lastly, many of the activities from that 3-day seminar required that you reveal personal details about your history and your feelings to complete strangers. That was very uncomfortable and so against INFP type for me.
So why did I subject myself to this? Because it changed the behaviors I wanted changed and I’m a better person because of it.
I think that was my biggest hangup as an INFP in my 20s. I was adamant about who I was and what I liked and what I didn’t like and what I felt comfortable doing and what I thought wasn’t me. All those restrictions of this-is-me and this-isn’t-me as I got older became a very small box to try to fit myself in.
Going to that seminar two years ago wasn’t unusual. I’m open to learning new things. However, fully participating in spite of feeling silly or ridiculous wasn’t something I would have done in my 20s. However, I realized that the things that I’ve always done wasn’t getting me to where I wanted to go. I couldn’t keep doing the same things, taking the same actions and expecting to get a different result.
I like going to these types of success/self-help seminars because I always learn something new that I haven’t read or heard before. At the lecture I went to tonight, this is what stuck in my mind:
I’m not as successful as I like because I don’t have to be. I have other options. I have the option of living my comfortable middle class life with the yearly vacations without any extra effort.
That gave me alot to think about. So for the next few days, I’ll be re-evaluating my commitment to my goals.
I took a break last Wednesday to figure out the direction of this blog and where I wanted it to go. As an INFP, I don’t quite know if I’m doing things right, but I certainly know when I’m doing it wrong. That was how I felt about my blog entries.
My previous blog entries are just my very opinionated opinions and sometimes even I don’t really care about my opinions so why should I expect someone else to care. The purpose of this blog was to give someone a better understanding of what it means to be an INFP. My opinions aren’t what makes me an INFP. It’s what I do and what I don’t that defines me, that defines what kind of INFP I am. That is what I’ll try to share.
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Eva
May 17, 2009
7:13 am
I’m an INFP with a degree in accounting and marketing. Love to read everything regarding wealth, finance, applied finance, property economics, valuation. I think its very unusual for me to be so money focussed as an INFP. But I was in my own creative business for 13 years. Now I’m 40 and looking for more fulfilment – maybe writing etc. Lately I’ve been working as a Project Scheduler/Co-Ordinator. Love the “being on the go” and doing my own thing (sort of). THe job ties in with my INFP values, pays the bills. Later I’ll put my finance and property knowledge to use (& some creativity) and do somthing in property. Point is – maybe its the way you look at it. I think INFPS are great at money (I know I am the best, non INFPS tell me so) and INFPS can develop this skill. Isnt strategic thinking a NF skill? (Keirsey). SO apply it to money, careers etc. Thats my thought
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Vexing
May 5, 2010
3:35 am
I realize I’ll be talking about my girlfriend again, but from what you wrote here, I have/want to do it again.
“I think that was my biggest hangup as an INFP in my 20s. I was adamant about who I was and what I liked and what I didn’t like and what I felt comfortable doing and what I thought wasn’t me. All those restrictions of this-is-me and this-isn’t-me as I got older became a very small box to try to fit myself in.”
I…see this a lot whenever she writes things. It always puzzled me, because I would see her do something directive or more extroverted and do so well, and then she’d write about how when she does so, she doesn’t feel like herself. I usually ended up wondering why. I’ve got a better understanding of why now, I think, though I feel that she still thinks of it in terms of placing herself in a limiting box rather than truly making the changes she wants for herself.
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ockhamdesign Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
For me, in my early 20′s, it was definitely a self-esteem issue. I based my entire identity on who I was and not on what I did. The way I thought, they way I saw the world was the thing that made me uniquely me and that uniqueness gave me identity and esteem. I felt right holding so tightly to my beliefs about myself. The problem was that as I got older, those beliefs didn’t manifest externally into the things I wanted like love or happiness. I don’t think it was until my late 20′s that I let go of needing to being right in order to be effective getting those things I wanted like love and happiness and peace of mind.
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Stephanie
Jul 27, 2010
11:34 am
I’m an INFP in my early 20′s, 23 to be exact. I find that, while I enjoy finding my own way, part of my process is looking to people who know more so that I can learn from them. My own way simply translates to “not my parent’s way”. Even if I come to a conclusion that my own parents could have taught me, I still can’t hear it from them. It’s sad, and I understand it’s a problem because who wants me to succeed more than my parents? However, this is one of those things that I just have to work to change. As for “re-inventing the wheel”, I may do this on occassion to make something my own, but for the most part I look online or ask questions of people who have gone before me so that I can get it right, right away! What I find most often though, is that even though I tried to be SO thorough and do things EXACTLY the right way, I still mess up.
I thought my career goals were right on the money in college, after graduating from high school valedictorian, I got most of my college paid for and decided on a major right away. I thought the most expensive college would give me the most impressive degree. Now I’m in debt and I decided not to go into the field of my degree. I should have listened when I was told it doesn’t matter where your degree comes from, and it’s ok to switch majors. I was good at school, it defined me, and now look where I am. I really DO reach for advice and knowledge from other people than myself, but I think my problem comes from picking and choosing that advice which fits with the ideas I already held, and discarding the rest. That is where I’m experiencing my trouble. Do you find you do that? Even in these wealth seminars, do you see yourself consciously or unconsciously picking and choosing the ideas that already fit comfortably in your world or are you able to see where you are wrong on an idea and change your mind? I think the real work, at least for me, is being conscious that I tend towards the former!
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