The other things I’ve wasted time over the years is the wrong goals. When climbing the ladder of success, make sure it’s leaning against the right wall. As far as work is concerned, the right wall is a job that let’s me lead a lifestyle congruent with my values. I want to travel. I don’t want to take my work home with me which detracts from family, etc.

I’m sure you have a that ideal lifestyle in your head. Does being a Ph.D. student get you towards that lifestyle in your head? I would guess that it wouldn’t or your grades would be better.

Here’s something for you to think about. Our average day after our diplomas consists of 8 hours working, 8 hours sleeping and 8 hours everything else. I find it interesting that while work is usually not an INFPs highest value, INFPs spend so much time and energy trying to make the 8 hours working ideal, instead of the 8 hours we have for everything else.

I’m an undergrad psychology student with a crappy GPA with an ideal self of a Ph.D. student. So midway through the semester when I realize I probably won’t earn an A in the class, I let those self-sabotaging thoughts consume all the time I would have needed to actually study and get an A–such a viscous cycle!

I need to work hard to get in touch with this emerging self and take proper action towards more realistic goals. What I intuitively know yet find so difficult to implement.

Thanks so much for posting!

Your blog’s wonderful and I’m inspired and motivated by many of your entries. I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into it!

Just want to comment on “a key to happiness is finding clarity about ourselves. This is odd advice for INFPs since we know ourselves better than most all of the other types. However, we live such rich lives within ourselves that sometimes, especially when our lives get chaotic, we can’t see the forest from the trees.”

Yep, this is true for me – I arrived at the same conclusion. I have a fuzzy sense of the principles and values that guide the way I choose to live. I also have lots of work experience that is loosely centered around a few values. I now need to find a new job and I’ve realized that I need to work on clarifying my work-related values, preferences, competences strengths and experience. For myself and for prospective employers. “Fuzzy” just doesn’t cut it in interview situations!

Best wishes,

Mike

Your Ideal Self has great habits. The object is to just pick one habit and do it consistently for 90 days.

Reading this reminded me that while you’re writing for INFPs, this advice could be applicable to anybody. What’s really important in my life? Friendship, love, security, wealth, health, family, fun, knowledge; the order of which I still haven’t gotten down quite pat yet. What do I want that I feel would make me happy? A steady income and emotional healthiness (being able to feel my feelings properly, identify them properly, and express them properly rather than spend energy controlling them or pushing them away as irrelevant.)

A steady income would allow me the means to do other stuff, like keep from being hungry, or buy a video game or book I like. It would also allow me to fund any intellectual pursuits I might have. Emotional healthiness would allow me to better understand myself and my own strengths and limits (of which I do know a good amount, but I recently was told of weaknesses I didn’t know about). It would also help me better understand other people. I’d be better at my relationships with my girlfriend and my friends as well as be better equipped socially, like at work or at some sort of get-together.

Now, how to go about working toward those things is something I’m not exactly sure of yet. I know what I need to do for some of those, but not for others.

It’s just so nice and calming to read this again when I’m feeling ‘not so myself’

This is a beautiful description. (Even though you don’t know me, please accept this appreciation with the heart that was intended… I’m working hard to trust that you know what that means.)

I also like the “emerging self” rather than the “actual self”.