So you basically, we had to start over…together. We joke that we’re mid-lifing and we are. But I think what we’re both going through is pretty typical of many. My wife and I are writing a blog together. We should have our first post up next week where we talk about what it means to start over with all jobs, kids, responsibilities and history that you can’t just dump and run off to Bali. It can be done. We’re doing it now and it’s hard and slow going but we’re both learning to have fun again. And if we can do it, anyone can.

I haven’t come to grips with it. Don’t know if I ever will. I don’t know how to go about the “therapy” and acceptance of its reality. The more I dwell on it the more depressed and depressing I become. I seriously put a drain on my marriage, although I have a wonderful and accepting wife. She obviously becomes a casualty.

How do you bounce back from this and get on with life? What are the take-a-ways? Positives that are true building blocks to accepting and working on making my life better? I really need to move on or this is gonna get ugly.

There are many things in this post that I relate to on a huge level. Too many to list, but they ring all kinds of bells. Now I know why the last 20 years have been the way they are. I can stop trying to be someone I’m not. But now what?

Wow – you too? This is amazing. It describes the worst things I’ve done – and in another way, the best.

Unfortunately, I’m your age and haven’t found what to do. How did you get to your current spot?

My experience is that people (not only INFP’s) are different – period. I’m still on a steep MBTI/INFP learning curve but I’m not yet convinced that INFP’s really are “so different” as they feel themselves to be. I suspect that the specific dynamics (preferences/attitudes) of the INFP type result in the introverted feeling of “being different”. But I haven’t worked this through yet.

I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s depression. I sincerely hope that he/she – with good support – finds a way through it. I’ve experienced periods of depression too, though – thankfully – not for many years.

To a large extent, I go along with your working theory. I think Jung considered depression to be a organic response that forced someone to stop, reflect and change things in their life that weren’t healthy or fulfilling.

But there are factors that determine the risks and effects of depression other than personality. For example: specific life events, the supporting network of family and friends.

Mike

The only working theory I have is that the ones who’ve suffer depression are the ones that have had zero interest in their personality psychology. They’ve always just went with it, chalking it up to the I’m-too-unique-to-quantify mentality. If an INFP has problems that they build their identity from, i.e. my problems are unique therefore I am unique, then we’ll never consider going outside of our own head for answers. We just end up suffering alone inside our head.

I think the ones who’ve found the balance between their upswings and downswings are the ones who’ve looked into what makes themselves tick.

If you find any new answers 10 years later, let me know. Start a blog. I’ll read it and add it to the other INFP blogs I read.

I too spent 10 years searching for the meaning of life in general and my life in particular. Failing to discover that one single, essential, timeless and universal truth, I decided to switch my energies to the real world instead (though I still have all the books!). It was a good move at the time. I selectively integrated some of the “received wisdom” in my life and moved on.

In my search for a new job, I decided to invest the last couple of days clarifying my own work preferences and the personal profile that I want to present to potential employers. I was surprised to discover how much I enjoyed diving deeply (10 years later) into the subject of “personality” again and how energized and motivated I feel by what I’ve found.

It’s something I’m going to keep up!

Mike

Exactly!!

And that appreciation of the mainstream thing? Yeah, spent years and years learning that one.

Any other INFPs have a problem that I do? If I judge something then it guarantees that I will have to experience it myself. I write it off to “God’s sense of humor.” A good example was saying “Why do people drive so far for a job?” when I was in my teens and my co-workers at the mall would come in from the surrounding counties. Within a decade of THAT nasty comment my commute to DC was clocking in at 2 1/2 hours one way on a good day. (Yes, I had my reasons.) There are many, many more examples from my life and I’ve learned to accept others (easy enough because we INFPs are all into that) on a whole different level, not just their selves (who they are) but their actions (what they do).

My rejuvenating activities, I keep to myself. For example, I go dancing every week. Since I go to the same places, at any given time, I know about 20 or so people when I go. I say hi and catch up briefly but I’m there to dance, not socialize. I have other activities where I socialize but my weekly dance night is not one of them.

The only one of these I haven’t experienced is the “spend a few years getting rejections from literary magazines” bit. Only in the past two years I really discovered that last one (I call it my new found appreciation for the mainstream) and I’ve never seen the concept written down before or spoken as though understood. I certainly appreciate your blogging…thanks.

Here’s my question (separate from the above comment):
Firstly, do you have that feeling inside of wanting to share your talents and passions with as many as are willing; knowing that you would be contributing to the community you appreciate shares so much with you. Only to realise that actually doing it is frustrating, because
a) the activity was so enjoyable because it was rejuvenating alone time, and
b) most if not all of my activities need to be rejuvenating otherwise I just don’t want to do it.

Do you or have you ever feel or felt this way. If so what do you do or have you done to reconcile these two needs?