As INFPs, we live in an internal dream world of our ideals where everything exists the way we think it should be. When reality forces us to wake up, it feels a little like dying.
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying, wrote that people experience five stages of grief when they are confronted with significant loss like receiving news of terminal illness. As the real world begins crowding into the INFPs idealized world, INFPs realize that we have to let go of the our idealize version of the world. In doing so, we move back and forth through the stages until we wake up.
Stage 1: Denial
“If I can’t make a living doing what I love then I’d rather be dead.”
The denial stage manifests as avoidance of facts. Denial is wanting the Reward without knowing the Rules. Denial is wishful dreaming while refusing to look at how those dreams manifest.
INFPs in denial believe that writing their first book will somehow automagically translate to being able to eat and pay rent as a writer through some series of serendipity. INFPs in denial believe that if the right person was in their life then everything will work out.
INFPs in denial know their desired Reward such as “I want to write books for a living” but can’t answer questions about the Rules such as “do you know how much an average Times bestselling author makes?” They don’t want to know the answer because the answer brings them closer to waking up.
The denial stage can only exist if the INFP lives in a protected environment such as living at home or at college on their parent’s income. I don’t know any INFPs who work two jobs to pay to college part time that are still in the denial phase. INFPs start moving out of denial phase about 6 months after they started paying rent and stopped doing laundry at their parent’s house.
Stage 2: Anger
“I think the world is too materialistic.”
The anger stage manifests as placing blame. It’s the world’s ideals that are screwed up. INFPs believe that the world is too shallow, materialistic and uncaring to recognize the awesomeness of the INFP’s individuality. INFPs in the anger stage have few friends and work at jobs they feel is beneath their natural talent. Bad relationships are always about the INFP getting mistreated in some way. It’s never the INFPs fault for choosing crappy people for relationships.
The Anger stage last as until the INFP gets tired of feeling alone and disconnected. Angry people make poor friends because it’s always going to be everyone else’s fault. I find that most Angry INFPs are lonely INFPs.
The Anger stage stops when the entitlement mentality stops. Just because an INFP feels that they’re special or talented doesn’t obligate anyone else to recognize this. INFPs moving from the Anger stage realize that they’re not entitled to their Rewards and have follow the Rules for those Rewards like everyone else.
Stage 3: Bargaining
“I don’t need a fancy house or money to be happy.”
The bargaining stage manifests as settling. I don’t think any INFP would turn down the keys from someone who just drove a truckload of money to their front doorstep. INFPs are dreamers. We have an ideal of what our perfect world would be like. However, trying to achieve that ideal involves risk. Our grand plans might fail. So we settle for the safer route. Bargaining stage is about eschewing those things the INFP doesn’t need instead of fully committing to the things they really want.
Bargaining stage is about reaching contentment, not fulfillment. INFPs bargain with themselves by trying to figure out their minimum standard for happiness. Bargaining minimizes being hurt. INFPs tell themselves that even though they didn’t get what they wanted, at least they got what they needed.
Bargaining stops when they INFPs re-evaluate their life. They see not being unhappy isn’t the same as being happy.
Stage 4: Depression
“I don’t care about those things.”
The depression stage manifests as inaction. Depression occurs when a person feels that the things they value in life are beyond their control of achieving. That’s why I keep reiterating that a person’s level of happiness is directly related to the amount of control we feel we have in our lives. If an INFP feels that finding the right person is luck then meaningful relationships is beyond their control. Eventually, they give up by not taking any actions to form relationships.
The INFPs in the depression stage have had repeated bad outcomes which leads to learned helplessness. Their experience has taught them that no matter what they’ve tried to achieve personal happiness, it never works out because of other people, the situation, the way the world is and other external factors beyond their control.
It should be noted that the depression stage doesn’t always manifest itself with classic symptoms of emotional depression or dysthymia (chronic low-grade depression or moodiness). INFP idealism can turn the depression stage into martyrdom. INFPs don’t see it as not taking action towards happiness. They see it as surviving despite the fact that the rules of the world are not in their favor. They are proud of the fact that they can persevere by continuing to do what they’ve always done. They’ve become very successful at not achieving their personal success.
The depression stage ends when the INFP accepts full responsibility for all the crappy people and situations in their life.
Stage 5: Acceptance
“It’s my fault.” “I’m responsible.”
The acceptance stage manifests as accepting personal responsibility. Saying “it’s all my fault” “I’m responsible” takes the control from the external and gives it back to the INFP. We accept that all outcomes come from our actions.
Acceptance is recognizing that we never fail, we get bad outcomes. We keep changing our actions until we get the outcome we want. Waking up isn’t about letting go of our dreams. It’s about wiping the sleep from our eyes and making those dreams real.
Change made on: April 29, 2010
I changed “It’s my fault” to “I’m responsible”. Something Brian Tracy, a motivational speaker said, made me want to change this. The word fault denotes blame and is always past focused. The past cannot be changed. Saying “I’m responsible” is future focused because from this point forward we accept that we are in charge of our lives.
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jay Schryer
Mar 10, 2010
2:49 pm
This is right on the money. I can look back over my life, and identify myself in each of these stages. I’ve only recently emerged from Stage 4, and am slowly moving into Stage 5. As with the grief associated with dying, the steps don’t always come along in a nice, neat, and ordered fashion. There’s lots of jumping ahead, falling back, and repeating as you move through the stages, but that’s ok. Eventually, you get there.
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ockhamdesign Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
I’ve been in the Bargaining stage for a while. It’s like I kinda get what I want. Then I want a little more of kinda happiness I already have so I work towards that. Then I’m kinda happy for a day or so and then start working for the next kinda happy goal. The really happy goals for me are daunting so I tell myself that life’s pretty good as is. I mean, I have a loving family and get to travel, but that’s only part of what I wanted.
Luckily, I’ve always got to skip the Depression stage. I never get depressed because I’m always big on the personal responsibility. Though, I do get critical of myself because I know it’s my fault and I don’t do anything different.
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Jerry
Mar 10, 2010
3:58 pm
Good post. I think I experienced all 5 of the stages just now while reading it.
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Jennifer M. Reply:
May 9th, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Lol. I was thinking the same thing. ;P
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Johanka
Mar 10, 2010
4:22 pm
Oh oh oh, wait a minute. I think you put a way huge burden of guilt on the poor INFP’s shoulders. Is it really our fault when a close person dies? When people break the promises they’ve made to us?
We can only assume responsibility for our actions and for our emotional reactions to external stimuli. Our own. Not those of other people. Not for the external reality that triggered them. Nobody is the guilty party.
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ockhamdesign Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Most external things will always be out of our control. People die. People leave. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
However, certain repeated patterns like multiple people in our lives breaking promises to us repeatedly has to be indicator that maybe it’s not them but it’s us. People prone to break their promises have always broken their promises. Just as you can’t get chronically late INFP to show up on time unless they really want to, you can’t make a person who’s good at keeping promises, break their promises.
Whatever behavior someone exhibits in a relationships has always been there. So the question is, why aren’t we attracting the people who keep promises instead of the people who break promises? Who’s decision is it to let someone into our lives that let will let us down? Sometimes, finding a great relationships is just about making a better decision on who gets to be in our life in the first place.
It’s not about guilt. It’s about personal responsibility. Guilt happens when you do something you feel you shouldn’t be doing in the first place. I think the majority of people don’t suffer guilt about making an honest or uninformed mistake unless that mistake leads to tragic consequences. Personal responsibility is saying, I made a mistake because I didn’t know better and learning what is needed to know better the next time.
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Johanka Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
I see I didn’t make quite clear that with the “breaking promises” example I wasn’t hinting at constantly choosing bad partners.
I really meant random people in our lives who may not even necessarily interpret the situation the same way, because they don’t share INFP’s high standards. To them nothing happened.
My point is that you can assume responsibility in a compassionate way, without guilting yourself or anyone else. This is the best (and perhaps the only) effective way to healing pain, including the pain of having grown up as an introvert in a heavily extrovert-dominated world.
Assigning blame usually only triggers downward spiral of accusations going back and forth, just as in any stereotypical argument between a husband and a wife.
I’m influenced by Havi Brooks’ (fluentself.com) yoga-based views on the issues. Her site is amazing. I cannot recommend warmly enough.
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ockhamdesign Reply:
March 10th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Currently, I’m in change mode so I’m limiting the dozens of people I see weekly down to four. Last Friday afternoon, my ENFP friend and I made plans to hang out at a diner late that night. About an hour before we were to meet, she texts me and says that she was over at her neighbors drinking and she’s had too much to drink so she can’t make it.
Am I mad at her? Not in the slightest. With my ideal of what friendship should be, I would never flake out like that. But that’s just it, those are MY ideals, not HERS. My ideals affect my behavior not someone else’s. Expecting someone else to have your ideals and behave accordingly is basically saying, I’m better than you and therefore you should be more like me.
I don’t care for the term high standards. High is a subjective term. The response to any subjective term is “compared to what”? Whenever INFPs say they have high standards, my response is compared to whom? The Pope? To the average person? And what exactly defines average because that’s a subjective term also.
My ENFP friend canceled. So what? I’m never disappointed in people. Not ever, not anymore. You’re only disappointed if you’re expecting something and you don’t get it. I don’t expect people to do anything that’s not in their best interest. I figured she couldn’t make it because she felt it wasn’t in her best interest to hang out with me that night. I can’t fault her for that. I can’t fault anyone for doing what’s in their best interest even though it might be contrary to what I want.
However, having no expectations of other people’s behavior is my ideal and no one else’s.
I never assign blame externally. What if someone is rude to me? Maybe they’re having a bad day. Maybe they’re just an ass. I don’t really care. I’m not going to assume responsibility in a compassionate way for their behavior. The why’s of someone’s behavior isn’t my problem. I just want results. I want them to stop being rude so I tell them I think they’re being rude. It’s the truth. If I tell the truth it ceases to be my problem anymore. If they can’t deal with the truth, it’s their problem.
I am disappointed in bad results. The result I wanted wasn’t to hang out with a particular friend. I wanted to have a good conversation with a friend. Since my ENFP friend wasn’t available, I called my ENFJ friend. It was a long shot since he’s always busy and he has a line of people wanting to spend time with him. Whenever I put things out to the universe, I find I’m rarely disappointed. I wanted a good conversation and he was available. We hung out at a diner, had a good conversation and I got the result I wanted.
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Jennifer M. Reply:
May 9th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
This is a very interesting approach to life. I’m going to have to try this. I think a lot of times I subconsciously assume that other people have my same ideals about things, but really that isn’t always true. It’s my responsibility if I choose to always be around negative people. It’s their responsibility if they’re negative. I tend to forget that and try to feel responsible for their negative behavior, which in turn makes me nauseous when I can’t fix them.
I like what you said about how really when it came down to it, it was the bad results that you were disappointed in. So you set out to create those results in a different way. That’s very healthy! I tend to get stuck on, “Well, so-and-so didn’t have time for me! Boo hoo!” Next time this happens I will try to take a step back and think, “Okay, they needed to do what they needed to do. What I needed was a conversation, so I will call someone else who can give offer that.” Because it’s true, I tend to get stuck in my head thinking everyone hates me, but when I actually do reach out, most times people are ready and willing to connect!
Red
Mar 12, 2010
4:31 am
This why we make good empaths, I guess. I’m stuck somewhere between your Stages 4 and 5.
This blog is interesting, and fun to read, but, I feel it just defeats the whole purpose. The more you know, the less you understand.
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fadecy
Mar 12, 2010
7:42 pm
I know all about stage 4. It just seems like no matter how I treat people they never want to be around me. I respect their personal space wait for them to invite me places or talk to me: never happens. I try and be forward with people, I invite them out for a drink etc they ignore me or go for a drink with me a few times then don’t speak to me for 2 months. I just don’t get what people want from me.
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Tara
Mar 15, 2010
11:40 pm
Well, crap. I’m on stage 1. This does not bode well for my next decade.
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Kat O. Martin
Mar 17, 2010
7:47 am
Damn, I feel like I regularly go through the five stages :/
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jtbeachbum
Mar 18, 2010
10:52 am
Wow, just like the rest of your writings, this one is right on the money. I know the PC [Personality Cafe] folks would love this. You should post a thread on there of this material. Thanks for sharing and enlightening us with your writing.
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MichaelINFP
Mar 19, 2010
10:04 pm
Thanks for writing “Five Stages of INFP.” It’s a creative use of EKR’s model, and several points apply directly to my life. I especially liked your point on the distinction between contentment and fulfillment. I, too, am an INFP writer recently having passed 40 and having published his first book. So even your examples jumped out at me.
Ah, the balance and tension between the ideal and the real, between poetry and prose, between vision and sight. I think one of the main themes of this piece is the importance of being dedicated to reality and its rules, as opposed to being seduced by idealistic dreams. Still, you end the entry by encouraging people to make their dreams real. Some form of synergy and balance between what is and what might be, between external rules and internal rhythms, between being realistic about the outside world and being authentic to the inside world, is probably best for most INFP’s. Too much internal focus and idealism and one’s life tends to come crashing down; too little internal focus and too little idealism and life tends to grow stale and soulless. There is, of course, no exact recipe for reaching that balance, or even one balance point for all. One of my perpetual quests is to find a good balance on such matters for my life.
Thanks again for writing the piece. I found it insightful and relevant. And it was good to be reminded of some arguments for disciplining oneself to the strictures of the real.
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Sam
Mar 21, 2010
10:12 pm
This really spot on for me. Although, I sometimes get to the point of acceptance and go too far with it. Suddenly everything becomes my fault when it is totally out of my control. This almost leads me back to depression sometimes. I have an annoying ability to recognize that I am hurt but know that the person who hurt me did not do it intentionally, which leads me to blame myself for the pain I’m feeling. I should be able to understand that sometimes things really are not my fault, but I can’t and I take everything on myself.
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ockhamdesign Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I changed my entry from “it’s my fault” to “I’m responsible.” I’m starting to realizing that fault is past focused while responsibility is future focused. Some things are beyond our control when they happen. However, it’s taking responsibility is about us focusing on what we can do from this moment forward.
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Anna
Mar 27, 2010
10:56 pm
It’s funny because reading the 5 stages is so much like me that I want to copy it and just show people what I’m about so I don’t have to try to explain what’s happening in my head!
The funny thing is that I’m actually part of all stages but my 5th stage of working out the common denominator to my demise is myself has been horrid as I’m trying to fix EVERYTHING about myself at once. And a word of caution: don’t! I have very high standards of what I believe I should be, look, act, work as, etc. and since I’m constantly contradicting myself, I’m not achieving my goals and constantly punish myself and punish others for not noticing how much potential I have! Of course, I’ve left out the part that I’m not willing to really give ANYTHING a go because the risks outweigh the possible benefits. Meh, I’m more of an INFP than I actually thought!
Honestly, all I want is to be a multi-millionnaire where all I have to do is just .. do nothing! Read, sleep, eat and just get massages daily and hot spas. Yep, that’s all I want
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ockhamdesign Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 1:34 am
I’ve been wanting to be a multi-millionaire since I was 15. Trust me. They don’t read, sleep and eat all day. If you get the chance, read Robert Kiyosaki’s Cash Flow Quadrant and T Harv Ecker’s The Millionaire Mind. Most people including me live 95% of our lives in the Employment (E) Quadrant. Truly wealth people live in the Investment (I) Quadrant. Wealthy people do one thing well which is manage their money.
For example, if you have 800K(principal) for pure investment and knew how to make 10% a year with it, then you’d be living off of 80K(interest) per year minus capital gains. If you read the Millionaire Next Door, the stats show that most millionaires save their way to 800K, making less than 100K/year. That of course is the less risky way where people have moved their money from the Employment Quadrant over to the Investment Quadrant (IRA, investment accounts, property) over the years.
This basically says means you need two skills. The skill to make or save 800K and the skill to make 10% yearly from the principal.
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Anna Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 1:44 am
I see.. very interesting indeed..! I may pop over to the library tomorrow and have a read. I do agree with you though (in all aspects). Sometimes I forget I have to shift my thought process and focus. Definitely food for thought… will let you know how I go!
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Jennifer M. Reply:
May 9th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
Lol. I too long to be a multi-millionaire and have nothing to do but read, sleep, and eat.
In my ideal world….
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slughog Reply:
June 27th, 2010 at 9:24 pm
i’ve often considered another way to achieve a lifestyle of “read, sleep, and eat” – prison! and it’s easier to get there than becoming a multi-millionaire and could possibly be fun! i’m thinking some fraud scheme to scam the credit card companies and travel the world and then chill in white-collar prison and read for years! paradise!
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antonius bimo
Apr 29, 2010
8:18 pm
you make me smile with a unique way!
thx for your enlighment..
notes:
(and I myself sound so idealistic LOL)
1. Are there other word to describe the stages? it’s sound so honest but it is so pathetic!
2. “It’s my fault” not let the other know their fault! INFP tend to bury our negative feeling about “the other’s fault” then build up our emotional bombs, huft… (McGyver.. could you please cut the wire?
3. sorry for my bad english
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Sylvia Foglesong
Apr 30, 2010
6:46 am
I accept the responsibility of the choices I make in life. And I can choose how I will respond to a situation. I do not take responsibility for every situation that happens. Six years ago my husband and I were in an auto accident. We had our blinker on waiting to turn into where we live. A person in a convertion van dropped her cell phone and rammed 50-mph into the back end of us pushing us head-on into an oncoming truck also going about 50mph. We survived. Our car didn’t have airbags.
My husband has TBI and is now a different person than he was. He has no affect and is kind of like a big kid that only thinks of himself. I was told he is just like this now and I have to accept this. I am learning to let go of the old him. The new him and I are friends. I have no physical attaction to him. I also suffered in the accident. I had multiple fractures in my spine and ribs and sacrum. I have cronic pain. I can no longer do hairstyling. Which at the time I had my own business. I am different too.
One week after the accident my eldest brother committed suicide. A month after the accident, my mentally ill son ran away to florida to live on the beach. He had found out that his girlfriend was pregnant also while I was still in the hospital.
All of this made me realize that “control” is a myth. I have no control what others are going to do. I can only control how I respond. And then I have to give myself a break because it’s ok to go through those stages you mentioned. You have to go through them.
I actually go back and forth sometimes. I’m ready to heal, but my body is still in pain. I try to smile despite the pain. It’s a constant reminder of the accident.
At 46 I am back in school. I want to be a social worker to help others. Have have self-douts because some days I get so tired and am in such pain that it’s difficult to do anything. Other days I feel great, and as long as I don’t over do it Im fine.
I’m thankful I didn’t die. I now have three grandkids that came after all of this that have given me such joy.
I have to say though that the last six years have been the biggest growth spirt for me. I’ve learned not to take anything for granted. I was very active, healthy and spiritual person when this happened. I know God is teaching me something. Many things. First of all I have to take care of me. Then I can help others.
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ockhamdesign Reply:
May 3rd, 2010 at 9:58 am
Mostly, I just accept my past and accept that my present becomes beyond my control the moment it becomes my past. For me, accepting responsibility is about deciding how I feel about my present and my future. History isn’t destiny.
It’s stories like yours that let me know how resilient INFPs can be. I find that once INFPs find the reason to our lives, we have the strength of will to succeed no matter what life brings our way.
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ruby Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 12:03 am
this makes me cry…really…the pain that you went through is too much…i even don’t think i could handle that…but your reaction towards it is so brave…not many people can do that…to stood amidst the storms of life with positivity regardless of deep past hurts…
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manar
May 8, 2010
3:55 pm
that was really helpful , I really needed someone to wakes me up and tells me to start taking responsibility, I’ve been in the depression stage for too long . thank you so much .
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ockhamdesign Reply:
May 9th, 2010 at 12:58 am
I’ve never been seriously depressed but I know a few who have so I admire anyone who’s working towards managing their depression and turn their life around. It’s a tough thing. Kudos to you.
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Jennifer M.
May 9, 2010
8:46 pm
This is such a fascinating topic and discussion thread. I think really I’m in all of the first stages – is that even possible? Lol. I rarely find myself in the 5th stage – usually I am too concerned with worrying about why my ideal life is not my real life or trying to make a decision about what to do next. I guess as long as we don’t get stuck and grovel in our depression isn’t not so bad to cycle through these stages. Sometimes I think life is meant to be a journey. We may not always know where we’re headed, but getting there can be pretty interesting sometimes.
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Jennifer M. Reply:
May 9th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
(Meant to say… all of the first four stages)
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Nakieda Massey
Jul 16, 2010
7:33 pm
Just read this and I have to say that this is right on the money. Everything you’ve written I’ve said and done. I’ve gone through all the phases but with me it doesn’t end with acceptance, the cycle just starts all over again. It’s like I’ll be on track for a while then I get a little bad news and boom, I’m right back to the beginning. It sucks and I’m trying to make the best of it…well trying to get through it, but I seem to be in a rut and not able to pull myself out. I mean I’ll pull myself out eventually but it takes a while and it seems that I’ll never accomplish anything and will just be satisfied with being an overachieving underachiever. (That’s a group my friend and I came up with she’s INTP).
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Corin Reply:
July 18th, 2010 at 1:01 am
I find that personal achievement is a really bad measure of progress. You may achieve a goal but still feel like your life isn’t any different that before.
Life is about moving from one set of problems to a better set of problems. In your 20′s, your problem might be deciding between ramen noodles vs mac and cheese for dinner. Or your problem might be trying to get your parents to let you live your life the way you want to.
Progress can be best measured if you still have to same problems 5 or 10 years later. If you’ve moved to a better set of problems even though you haven’t really accomplished your goals, it shows that you’re moving forward.
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Prachee
Aug 7, 2010
12:23 am
I think you are right about everything.
I was thinking about that last stage. I think it’s the most painful stage. I do think “It’s my fault” and “I’m responsible” are different. The difference is very subtle, but significant. I think the former is not complete acceptance, but an emotional realization, whereas the latter is mature acceptance, it’s learning to live with the realization.
The problem is that I always get stuck on “It’s my fault,” which leads to self loathing and all kinds of negative emotions. How does one break that barrier and look to the future?
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Corin Reply:
August 7th, 2010 at 12:38 am
For me, if I do something, if I keep busy, I stop thinking about it. I try not to dwell on my life. I rarely look at the past specifically, ie I should have done this this and this. I look at the past generally, in 5 years chunks where I remember where I was and where I went.
I focus on doing things that I enjoy. I focus on being present and aware of myself as I’m doing it and try to stay in my body instead of just in my head. It’s always the next step and thinking what’s the one thing that I can do today that makes me better. Sometimes, that one thing is part of a long-term goal.
Right now, I’ve been really down on myself for not failing more – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc
When I’m not failing then I’m just coasting and playing it safe.
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Colleen
Aug 26, 2010
3:30 pm
I have lived in my INFP skin for almost 60 years and I have found it to be a blessing not a curse. I have a successful career providing the education and support necessary to help others achieve their dreams. I believe in both miracles and magic.
Other people value my insight and point of view. They say I bring peace into the room. I have seen the world through rose colored glasses all my life even though, my life, like yours, has had challenges and pain. I have been sustained by love, hope and faith. Like the toys in the “Velvetine Rabbit”, I have been loved, worn and emerged “real” but always uniquely different.
Celebrate all that is INFP. You may never be deeply understood by anyone but yourself but you have been given the gift of empathy. That gift will help you identify who has the capacity to understand you and allow you to forgive those who don’t so you won’t be hurt.
Enjoy your quest to understand the secrets of the universe, listening to whispers, and seeing what is invisible to others. How cool is that!
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ruby
Aug 27, 2010
12:12 am
Wow. Thanks for this post! I feel like I’m gearing to self-improvement with your posts.
I can now associate this one to the 6 needs in your other post and try to trace back on why i am shifting from stage 4 and stage 5 but mainly staying on stage 4 most of the time. Then I try to think on what need i am lacking (the probable reason on why i am depressed) and try to make up for it and do something about it. although most of my plans backfire, i will think that at least i made an effort in trying to make up for that lack of need which made me depress. but sometimes i’ve noticed it’s force of nature that fulfills that need. i dunno if its just me or does this happen to anyone as well. especially if you are like caught in a vicious cycle of monotonous events and then you’re exhausted and then suddenly something good happens. this usually happens after i pray. it’s as if my prayer has been answered. which makes me really happy.
also, i’ve noticed when i read my past journals in high school, it was full of anger..i was like blaming everyone for the bad results happening to my life..geeh this is truer than i expected…i’ve been through stage 2 during my high school days..probably stage 1 during my elem..then in college i went through stage 4 and a little of stage 3..and then right now shifting from stage 4 and stage 5…but maybe i’m shifting through all the stages right now..i’m probably not aware of it…
i’m thinking that stage 5 can be achieved when you have a lot of time for yourself alone which can go back to your other post about finding time for solitude…not only for authenticity but for learning acceptance…
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Corin Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 10:39 am
Thank you so much for sharing. I think INFPs sharing their experiences and struggles is much more valuable in getting people to change than my posts. I give deduction and explanation. But people commenting about going through the same thing, gives other INFPs hope.
I think that the routine suck up you life at any stage. Deliberate change is the only way to rebel against the tyranny of the routine.
The monotonous day-to-day takes a time to become a vicious cycle. It’s has to allowed to grow to get to that point. I’ve been starting to interrupt routines by driving different routes home. I just have to do one thing different in my routine each day in order to force a shift. It’s kind of like rocking your car back and forth when you’re stuck in snow. Sitting in a different chair at dinner or eating outside instead, each little change is me rocking the car of my life out of that snowy rut of routine.
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